AboutMistress Violette Expertise I can answer questions related to the practice of BDSM, especially involving relationship issues and personal interactions. My expertise is in helping people sort out thoughts and feelings, define problems and find solutions. I'm happy to apply my BDSM knowledge and experience to this. I'm not the best person for questions dealing with mechanical contraptions, the physics of BDSM or Gor related matters.
Experience Seventeen years of real time, face to face practice of BDSM in my own personal relationships, 4 years of professional experience in distance training.
Education/Credentials My traditional education includes both a bachelor's and master's degree. I have no formal education in BDSM. I know what I know from interacting with experienced players, reading, and hands on experience.
Question Dear Mistress,
I have just recently become a slave to a fresh Master. He is very good for just beginning in the lifestyle. He just recently told me that he wants to be dominated by a Mistress to see if he likes it. He told me he was thinking about letting me dom him because he trusts me and feels comfortable with me. I don't know if this switching is a good idea. Is it possible to maintain a Master/slave relationship and still try out the switching? Or should he find a professional Mistress? I like the way things are now between us and i don't know if i can be a dom. Thank you for your time Mistress.
Answer Hello, Heide,
You're not alone in asking the questions you have. I recently answered a similar question for someone else. I'm going to share some of that with you.
There are many couples who switch successfully, so there's probably no reason why it wouldn't work for you. Some people use the word "top" to describe a situation where someone wants to experience control temporarily and only in certain circumstances. A bottom can be someone who enjoys giving up control temporarily and in certain circumstances. Lots of subs enjoy topping, lots of doms enjoy bottoming. You and your partner might find switching adds another enjoyable element to your BDSM. If you go this route, be sure to remain aware and respectful of the special nature of that particular dynamic; sometimes the sub might need to cut the dom a little slack.
At the other end of the spectrum are subs who are very uncomfortable seeing their doms submit, whether to them or to others. They have difficulty with the notion that the person to whom they sub also subs. It's not a lack of trust or respect, so if you feel that way, your dominant shouldn't take it as less regard for him. It's just something that some submissives aren't wired to handle.
I'm going to suggest you take some time to examine where your reluctance is coming from. It could be something as simple as not being confident in your skills as a dom. Or it could be that doing this would fundamentally change the nature of the relationship for you. It's important to figure out what's holding you back before you can decide if you want to go forward.
If you find you're at least open to experimenting, the two of you can talk over a scene and then try it. Just give it your best and see how each of you feels after you've experimented. It might be he doesn't want to sub again or would prefer to sub to someone else but at least you'll both know.
If you don't think domming would work for you, tell your dominant. It's a compliment that he wants you to do this for him and you want him to know you're rejecting being dominant, you're not rejecting him or his needs. You seem quite open to him seeing a pro and you get props for being not only supportive, but open minded.
I hope I've given you enough perspective to be able to make a good decision. With some thought and discussion, I suspect the two of you will work this out to your mutual satisfaction.
