Expert: Master Shadow - 6/15/2008

Question
QUESTION: i had it, but he wanted other girls, so i am back at square one...I guess I am at a loss at this point. I really want to find him, but I don’t want to take time to look. Its weird, I know its weird… not many girls are so quick to give up control, to be bound and beaten and to love ever second of it, craving the point where he forgives everything, where he says it over and okay. I don’t want a master, or, I don’t want what I have concluded in my head, to be a master. I want a partner, who completely dominates me… with the spankings, and the bondage and the control and the sub space, everything that makes this so incredibly wonderful and unique, this is beyond a relationship, it’s a whole new way of looking at the world, its okay, because you say it is. What is the best way to find this? How do I find that one?

ANSWER:  I would start out by going to munches, sloshes, and events. I would also place a few profiles on some of the kink websites, like alt, or collarme. Make sure you put down exactly what you're looking for. List all of your interests, hard limits(Things you WON'T do, ever!), soft limits(Things you might try, especially if pushed), and experience in the Lifestyle.

Make sure the profiles are accurate. Many tend to exaggerate, hoping for better results. It often backfires, and winds up coming across as a lie to the One you are trying to attract. It's not a good way to start a relationship.

Sounds to me like you have been with what is called a "wannabe" Master. There are many different types out there. Unfortunately, many are nothing more than players. These usually reveal themselves over time, and go by the wayside.

Sounds like you're looking for a D/s Sm relationship. Be sure to put this on your profile. If you include a picture, make it tasteful, unless you want every guy with a pecker inundating your profile with e mails LOL.

Now, the hard part. You, like many, will have to sift through the quagmire of "applicants" looking for your Gem, your One. Don't be overzealous, as sub frenzy might take hold of you. Be careful. Be selective, and do not "settle for" less than what you desire. Remember, the relationship you speak of is very long term, like forever. Make sure if you accept a collar, either literally, or emotionally, that it is with the right Dom, or Master, which brings me to another point.

Master is usually an Honorific bestowed to one's Owner. The Owner is by all rights Dominant. He is a Dom, but the usual form of address from you would be to refer to Him as Master. You would not usually after receiving a direct order say "Yes, Dom", or "Yes, Dominant". You would address Him as Master, unless He gives you specific orders to address in another way.

And by the way, yes, it is a whole new way of looking at things. Sometimes perspective can mean all the difference. I truly wish you well in your search, as well as in your Journey for your One. Be well, in all things, and please feel free to ask if further clarification, or more questions arise.


         
         SINcerely in Leather,
         Master Shadow.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: i guess, i just need to know i can do it,it is so scary... he was fake, i knew it wouldn't go anywhere, but i still clung to it, i made it mean more that it would, and now, i feel... so alone. vanilla relationships, or one night stands or, meaningless flings are starting to mean nothing... putting myself out there is the so far from my mind because i don't want to have this happen again, i don't want to be this hurt, ever... at what point do i give up this lifestyle and invest in a lot of thearpy?

Answer
Of coarse you can do it. Just be more discerning this time. As I said earlier, do not "settle" for what you know is not right for you. Take it slow, and easy. Look for a friendship first in your future Dom. Look for compatability. Have discussions about EXACTLY what you are looking for, and what you expect in the relationship.

Remember, others have gone through the very same thing as you are going through right now. Avoid getting into such a fevered pitch that you cannot think clearly. I know it's easy to do, if not prepared.


Best of wishes for your search, and luck with your Journey. Remember, He is out there. All you have to do is attract Him. :D



         SINcerely in Leather,
         Master Shadow.