Expert: Master Shadow - 7/12/2008

Question
I an very vanilla in this lifestyle.  However, in saying that I'm a quick learner, sub.  My Master recently told me that I am collared.  What exactly does that mean and what should I be doing as a good sub?

Answer
First of all, let me congratulate the both of Y/you!

Being collared means you have been found worthy of being owned. To be truly "Collared", there must be an actual collar placed upon your neck by your Dom, or Master. Some include a ceremony, others do not. It's up to the Dom, or Master to decide this. The collar need not be a locking type, and many Masters use what is called a Day Collar, which looks to be a necklace, or ordinary piece of jewelry, but you and He both know the actual significance. In this manner, your neighbors, co workers and family need not know.

As far as what to do at this point, I would go with just learning as much about your Master's favorite likes, dislikes, and the like. Learn how He likes His coffee, His eggs, etc. Find the things that please Him, and learn. Realize, He will train you in the way He is most pleased with.

This is a time of learning each other, finding out each other's desires, needs, and wants. This is where both decide what T/they are looking for from this relationship. This is the time to list hard limits (Things you would NEVER do), soft limits (Things you would do if pressured), kink interests, experience, medical conditions (Safety first!), and any medications currently on.

This is also the time when a sub or slave is given a safe word, to be used in emergencies if things get too intense, or you feel there is a chance of emotional, psychological, or physical damage being too likely in your current state mentally, or physically. This protects not only you, but your Master as well. It gives Him an indication during a scene(BD/SM play) that something is wrong, and the scene or play needs to stop immediately.

There are also contracts, signed by both parties which include all of the above info. It spells out exactly what will happen during the bdsm relationship, and can be referred to by either party at any time for clarification. The first contract usually will change a lot during the first 6 months as Y/you learn each other. I usually write it in such a way that it can be altered, or changed with the consent of both parties. Makes it easier than writing a new one each time you want to change things.

I hope this helps. If you have further questions, or need clarification on anything, please feel free to e mail me. Best of luck to the both of Y/you on Y/your journey.




                                           SINcerely in Leather,
                                           Master Shadow.