Expert: Lady Aryana - 7/31/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hello. MY husband want a Master/slave relationship. Would you help me out please by answering some questions for me and maybe Him?

ANSWER: Connie,

I will try to help by answering any questions you or your husband may have. First off let me suggest that you both sit down, and find out just what kind of Master/slave relationship it is that he wishes.. The levels vary depending on each person involved. He is looking to bring others into the relationship? Is he looking to play in public dungeons? What are the limits he is willing to put down, what limits are you willing to put down? He is looking for a relationship where you have no say so in the marriage anymore or will your advice be taken into consideration? I can suggest a few books, and a web site or two. Please feel free to ask anything, if I can't answer it, I will find someone who can.

Good luck

Marie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you Marie.  My first question is are you a Dom or sub.  I believe I remember that you were a sub.  Or would it be slave.  My husband wants a slave. The idea of that does turn me on and I believe it is my destiny.  I guess the reason I need someone to talk to is because I get so confused sometimes.  Really a lot of the times I get or am confused.  To me it seems the only reason he wants a slave is to have someone scratch his back and have sex. That does not give me enough pleasure.  He has became even more persistant over the last couple of weeks to pursue this type of relationship.  This does not bother me as long as he is consistent.  For example a couple of nights ago i was a little irritated and he felt like I was trying to start an argument.  Before he went to bed he cleaned the kitchen.  Is that right for a person who wants to be Master to do?  I have not discussed this with him.  I am not sure I am suppose to.  He seems to like me calling him during the day to let him know when I leave the house and what to eat but there is no persistancy there.  When I do not call or do not answer the phone during the day he says nothing. Do you have any suggestions?  All suggestions are welcomed.  And my feelings are not easily hurt so just lay it on the line for me and let me know what I need to do.
Thank you

ANSWER: Hello Connie,

 I am a switch, which means I am both Dom and sub.. I am not at the moment collared in real time.. My husband and I are lifestyle but due to some personal issues we have put the relationship of Master/Slave or D/s on hold.

Him wanting you to rub his feet, or simply have sex is a common thing.. Most Dom's it is allot to do with sex, although not all.. Which for some people *my self included* gets frustrating.. There is so much more about D/s then sex.. Although we will tap into this later.

As for him cleaning the kitchen. He can do what ever he wants as the Master of the relationship. So if he wants to clean, by all means let him lol.. You will find some Doms help out around the house for more then one reason.. Things get done sooner which means the slave is able to tend to their Master's wishes. I have health issues, and when I was slave, my husband *Master at the time* would help me clean.. This way I would press myself to hard and end up in pain.

Now about rules, and what happens when you don't follow them. Take you calling him, there needs to be actions taken if you don't follow through on things you are supposed to do and then don't. This is where I suggest you put in place a contact to start with, this way you have access to what is expected of you and him both.. You know what the punishment is for each thing you didn't do.. Most times, contracts are only needed for the first yr or so.. Until both parties are settled into their role.

Here is a web site you both can learn from.. It's not all about Master/slave relationship but it is about a power exchange relationship.

http://marriage-bliss.blogspot.com/

Here is another site which you both might gain some info on.

http://bestslavetraining.com/Masterspages/Mastermodes.htm

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/Behavior.htm

Now for some books I suggest you both read..

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy

Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational) by Joseph W. Bean

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

There is a Master's book to this one, called The Compleat Master I would suggest reading both.

If you would like to talk more, you can reach me on yahoo as mrsmarier if there is anything else you would like to ask, please feel free to write me again..

Good luck

Marie

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We have had a couple of contracts. He does not follow thru on the punishments

Answer
Connie,

 Wish I could tell you how to fix this problem.. You can't make him do anything... Problem with some M/s relationships *not saying this is your problem* The Dom wants the slave but doesn't want to put an effort into molding her, or correcting her.. They simply enjoy the idea of being able to say they have one. All I can suggest is that you sit down and talk to him about what you would like to happen more often. Some slaves/submissive don't want punished so they don't miss it when it is never given.. Others on the other hand, need to be reminded of their places, and for them punishment is a way this happens. All you can do is talk to him, if he isn't willing to put in effort, then maybe he needs to return to a vanilla relationship, and you both agree on certain nights or days that you *play* at being slave to him.

 Don't let anyone tell you, a M/s relationship is a two way street, it takes two to make it work, and two to make it fail. The more you talk the more you will find out just what he really wants or doesn't want. Talking is very important in ANY relationship but more so in a M/s slave relationship, since you are handing your life over to another.. You need to make sure your desires are the same, and that the Master knows just what you can or can't do.

Marie