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Expert: Lady Aryana - 7/7/2008


Question
Dear MrsMarie,
    I have never done anything in the BDSM world and my boyfriend who has a 20 year senior to me has been heavily into it for 20+ years.  He has introduced me to the tying up the breast with rope and needles so far.  My first gut reaction is uneasy because I have seen lots of pictures and videos online that are intense and I'm not sure if I would be ready for something like that right into the relationship.  So, my question to you is what advice and precautions can you give me going into a maledom relationship where I have no clue what I will like and dislike and still keep my boyfriend happy?

Answer
Chelsy,

 You seem to have already started. You didn't complain on weather or not you enjoyed what your BF has already did to you.. If he has any type of experience in S&M he will know to take it slow. The best you can do is learn about what it is he wishes in the long run? You can also set up your own limits with him along with safe words. If he does something you are unhappy with, simply speak the word in which you decide to use and all actions should stop.

 Although I will admit, most people who enter into BDSM activity slowly enter deeper and deeper the longer they play. No not everyone but alot do. When I started out I was just into spankings. Hand,floggers then I ended up into Single tails, and whips. Knife play and so forth.. Including fire play. Other area's of the lifestyle have since opened up to me, and at one time, limits seemed to be a thing in the past.

 Write out a contract with your bf on what you can handle, what you will be willing to explore, and the things you will not pass. Most people say, animals, scat, snuff, and kids. If these area's are brought into play, then most leave the relationship.

 You can learn about the safety of rope play by ordering books which you can find alot of on Amazom.com

Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook


http://www.amazon.com/Jay-Wisemans-Erotic-Bondage-Handbook/dp/1890159131/ref=pd_...


 This link will take you to Jay's book, along with other books in which you can learn from. I suggest you read all you can. Attend events in the community which will help you learn.

I hope this helps, just remember you can stop anything you do not wish to play. If he isn't willing to stop, then the relationship is not for you.

 Good luck

Marie

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Old Guard, Victorn Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Email groups for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. I was collared to my Master, then we married Sept 25 2003. I am no longer in a relationship with him, although as D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either DD or D/s, or simply learning more in order to help others.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment although I am in a DD based relationship which has a very strong sense of D/s although it is NON sexual. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me, and at the moment I have to male slaves who would like to submit. Simply haven't had the time or place to do that yet. I know many egroups who can offer support. I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 22 yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I belong to the local BDSM community in AL, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and Old Guard. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

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