AboutMaster Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
Expert: Master Shadow Date: 7/2/2008 Subject: New Domme
Question What kind of boundaries should I set for my sub? We are both new to the world of BDSM. Also, do I HAVE to know what it's like to be a sub before I become a Domme?
Answer Good questions! First off, You do NOT need to have been a sub, or slave to be a Domme, although many started out as subs or slaves, then moved on from their. Since Y/you are both new to the scene, move slowly, learn each O/other's desires, hopes, and limits. Always respect a sub or slave's hard limits. They are there to prevent psychological, or physical damage if things get too intense for the sub or slave.
Establish a safe word that the sub or slave can use to stop a scene dead in it's racks if there is an emergency, or if the sub or slave feels they simply cannot continue the scene for whatever reason. Make sure the sub or slave knows that this is to be used in emergencies only. Safe words are not to be used during punishment, unless there IS an actual medical, or psychological emergency. It would hardly be called punishment if the sub or slave could stop it simply by calling "Red", or whatever safe word the two of Y/you agree on.
As far as boundaries go, I would try things like a bedtime, expected e mail reports, dress, meals, and any other rules You would care to establish at this time. If the sub or slave is new, I would add these gradually, rather than all at once, although the choice is, as always, Yours.
This is the time to set up certain behaviors, actions and the like to begin making the slave or sub Yours, training them as You wish, remembering to honor their hard limits, if they have any.
You can also set up required phone calls to You at certain times, making sure the sub/slave knows that punishment could happen if the call is late, or non existent, if the sub/slave does not live with You at the time.
You could also have your sub/slave register with SeekDiscipline's Slave Registry, which will assign him or her a barcoded numbered certificate that can be made into wallet size cards, or full size certificates for display. The barcode can also be used as a tattoo if You desire.
I wish You and yours a wonderful Journey together into the Lifestyle. This can be a most rewarding relationship for many, and it is not uncommon for a collar, so to speak, to last the rest of a lifetime.
Be well, play safe, and have fun exploring each other!
