Expert: Lady Aryana - 7/11/2008

Question
Hi, thankyou for taking the time to read this. I have always drifted from
relationships that were not right for me. Most would last between a year to
two. I am 28 and have no previous experience of any BDSM. In fact i did not
even know what it meant.
 I was beginning to think that the fault lay with me. That i was to clingy,
overly affectionate. My friends would say i wore my heart on my sleeve. Too
eager but would get bored.  The truth was i always had to stop myself in one  
way or another, whether it was calling too much, being too tactile etc. I
honestly thought there was something wrong with me because i had begun to
believe what others were saying in that i expected too much.
 Then almost by mistake approx 8 months after my last relationship ended
through my choice, I met someone on the net. Just a normal dating
site.
 I actually jost messaged them to say it was a shame they lived so far away!
after all i was in the UK and they in the US.
It just went from there and soon i found myself chatting for sometimes 7
hours a day. At this stage i had no idea of his preferences. As  we carried on
talking he would then drop the occasional thing in which i would not
understand. Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask. I think my first Q was
what is a Dom or Master! Then slowly it went from there. He told me i could
ask him anything.
 he told me he thought i was very much a slave and as things progressed it
seemed to explain so much in my life, such as why i want to please people,
the fact it gives me pleasure.
 There is obviously so much more to it than that.  Months on and I feel as
though i have finally found someone who understands me and accepts me
for who i am.  It is as though he knows what is going on in my head. As far as
he is concerned i can never call him too much or ever push him away with my
love.  It is as though i have come home. . . i hope i make sense.  We will be
meeting soon and although i know all the warnings and i am aware of how
different it could be face to face i truly believe I am meant to be with this
man. he had a long term master slave 24/7 relationship until his partner
died.  I suppose what I am askng is, as i do not know anyone else in this
lifestyle,  whether i am completely insane? and if it is possible just to know
like i feel like i do. Also does it often happen that a master can recognise a
slave when she did not even know it herself?
I would be so appreciative of any guidance that you could give. As i said he
does answer my questions and i am opening up more to him everyday. but i
suppose it all feels like a fairy tale to me.
Thankyou.

Answer
Jane,

 Thanks for writing.. As for your question, no it's not out of the norm for a Master/Dom to see a *slave* in a girl/person without her knowing it is there.

 As for him getting into your head and know what you are thinking or feeling well that can be explained. We as human let off alot more then what we know, so it is easy to figure out what someone is feeling by the way they speak, act or simply don't act.

 Being a slave means alot more then simply making someone happy. There are so many area's in which you need to learn about. S&M, bondage, lost of rights, you name it, you are giving up so much, you really need to learn about the lifestyle long before you consider yourself a slave.

A good site to start with is

 http://marriage-bliss.blogspot.com/

This talks about how a woman is submissive to her husband. It is a start to a relationship, but none the less it's a good place to start.

 Then you need to check into other areas.. Check out the books, and you will find alot more information on the lifestyle. For some books you can get them at the library, if they don't have them, check out about the loan program, alot of city's will get the books from a bigger city, so you might not have to buy them.

Screw the roses, send me the throns

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy

Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational) by Joseph W. Bean

Mistress Allure's Guide to Forbidden Eroticism for Adventurous Couples by Lawrence Elliot, Mistress Allure, and Her Consort Dimitri

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

You need to check this out, it will give you alot of information, You can also check out Youtube.com.. Just put in Master or slave, and you will get alot of video's. They offer information. Once you learn more, then the questions will be different.

 Good luck and I hope things work out for you..

Marie