AboutCougarDomme Expertise I can answer any question about BDSM in practice, theory or relationships
Experience I have been in the BDSM scene for 25 years. I am a prodomme with a specialty of medical play. I give demonstrations on safe, sane and consensual play in the area of play: sounds, needle play, medical,saline infusions,sterile procedure,fisting,fire,knife and RACK edge play.
Organizations FLOG (St.Louis) Leather and Lace (St. Louis) Amatorius (Virginia) Black Rose (DC)Wicked (Raleigh NC)
Education/Credentials I have a Master's degree in Nursing
Expert: CougarDomme Date: 7/13/2008 Subject: new online relationship
Question QUESTION: Hi-
Just a few weeks into the online world of BDSM - registered at bondage.com forum as a bottom and was very clear with my limts - online only, not available for real play. Well someone answered 2 weeks ago who appeared extremely compatible, appeared to set out a clear contract and limits.
Now he is breaking them all, wanting to meet me and ignoring my limits. Sounds infatuated on the phone, fawning over my picture, flattering me,begging to know where I live etc. He just called me from the closest airport and I got kind of scared. I would not tell him my name or where I live. I told him will continue to follow his emailed commands, and call him at specified times for phone sex but he was persistent I call him tomorrow.
Not the controlled Dom behavior I expected at all!
What do you think I should do, I am so new and have no idea.
Thanks, Let
ANSWER: This man is a predator, possibly a dangerous rapist or worse, who preys on people new to the scene. No dom/me worthy of the title ignores limits or behaves like you have described is not a dom, he is a dangerous person who preys on newbies and is out of control. So many of these wannabe idiots hide behind the internet and use it to find new people to exploit and damage and has been doing his best to exploit you. I don't know what he's trying to get from or do to you, but my best advice is to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT IMMEDIATELY. "Online training" is a joke perpetuated by idiots and wannabes and no respected member of the scene does anything but laugh at "online doms" and worry about the newbie subs they prey upon. For your own safety, PLEASE PLEASE cut off all contact, change your email address and your phone number and cut this "dom" out of your life. If you would like to email me directly, you can do so at CougarDomme@aol.com and I will give you MY phone number and we can talk. I am only concerned for your safety as so many like you are traumatized by this kind of predator and leave the scene terrified, brutalized or dead. There is no such thing as online training or doms or subs or anything you have been told by this person. A dom/me doesn't scare you. A dom/me doesn't threaten you. A dom/me doesn't ignore your limits. A dom/me NEVER LOSES CONTROL. A dom/me never rushes you. A dom/me never offers a contract in a short time to someone s/he's never met. A dom/me has references in the BDSM community and offers them freely and doesn't mind if you check him/her out. A dom/me doesn't do phone sex or insist on sex--BDSM is not about sex as much as it is about control, structure and guidance to make our subs the best they can be for THEIR benefit, NOT OURS. Please email me and I will send you my phone and we can talk. I will hook you up with real people who are in the scene and will teach and guide you in a totally non-threatening situation. I believe that you might be in danger from this "dom" and you need to take steps to protect yourself. I have nothing to gain from helping you, but as a responsible member of the BDSM community (with checkable references that I will be happy to provide) I feel obligated to help you because you reached out to me for help. I am a professional domme in addition to being lifestyle and nothing is more important to me than the welfare and safety of my subs because I am responsible for them--they have placed their trust in me and I take that very seriously. Ask this bozo "dom" for references and tell him you want to talk to some of his other subs. It won't happen--he has none--I'd bet my life on it. Email me so I can give you my phone number or at least give you more information.
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QUESTION: You are very kind, will certainly cut him off, very scary.
Answer I'm scared for you sweetie!! Please email me and I will be happy to guide you to the right sort of people who will teach you about the scene and not endanger or exploit you. http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/237265/details.htm This is my profile on collar me so you can learn a bit about me and my email is cougardomme@aol.com if you want to talk a bit more.
There's a ton of good information on the scene at this site:
www.sexuality.org go there and then search BDSM and you will get a lot of really good info on how to protect yourself. If you are frightened to contact me, I certainly understand after what you have told me--I'd be scared too!!
I'm willing to provide references if you like and if you need help, you can reach out to me at any time. BE CAREFUL!! If you gave this guy your phone number, he can use reverse lookup to get your address, please tell me you gave him a cell number and not your home number!!
I will give you my number if you want to talk to me some more and please please be careful--there's no way to know who this guy really is and I am worried about you!
