AboutMistress Violette Expertise I can answer questions related to the practice of BDSM, especially involving relationship issues and personal interactions. My expertise is in helping people sort out thoughts and feelings, define problems and find solutions. I'm happy to apply my BDSM knowledge and experience to this. I'm not the best person for questions dealing with mechanical contraptions, the physics of BDSM or Gor related matters.
Experience Seventeen years of real time, face to face practice of BDSM in my own personal relationships, 4 years of professional experience in distance training.
Education/Credentials My traditional education includes both a bachelor's and master's degree. I have no formal education in BDSM. I know what I know from interacting with experienced players, reading, and hands on experience.
Expert: Mistress Violette Date: 7/21/2008 Subject: training question
Question Unfortuantely, this is not an advice ralted question in terms of how do I...... this is more of a where did you. I am not asking to get your defenses up, I am asking because I am curious, and would like to know.
I am a 31 year old first year Psychology student. I have decided that I would like to provide support and advice to those in the lifestyle as there aren't a lot of councelling options for those who are active without fear of being seen as sick, or abused. I would like to know what you would suggest to me in terms of areas of study, and research that would help me. I already have a basic knowledge of the lifestyle, seeing as I am surrounded by it almost daily, but I need to know more, of course! I have asked and been granted a teacher to show me how to properly play with a sub and how to se certain implements properly so as not to cause injury, but it's more the mind aspect I'm interested in.
What do you suggest I look into?
Answer Hi, Renee,
Probably the most important thing I can tell you is to concentrate on becoming a good therapist. BDSM people are people first and BDSM second. We have the same problems every one else has and very few of them happen because of BDSM. Most of your clients won't arrive in your office with that realization, however. They're going to think they have a BDSM problem when the truth is they're BDSM people with a vanilla problem. Being able to help them sort that out, so they can work on the real issues, will be a frequent first step.
It's great that you're willing to learn about BDSM. Sometimes there will be a BDSM problem and your knowledge of the basics will come in handy. People will feel more comfortable if they don't think they might have to hold things back and if they know the therapist is accepting of an alternate sexuality. Plus, there's some confusion about what BDSM is now that the internet has made role playing very accessible. If you're able to help people make needed differentiations, you'll set some minds at rest. In that regard, you're on the right track because, for a helper, knowing what goes on in people's heads is more important than knowing how to throw a flogger.
There are some folks who have been around a while and know what's happening in people's heads. I suggest you start by reading whatever you can find written by Guy Baldwin. He knows his stuff and is a respected leatherman and therapist. Others whose work I think you'll find helpful are Gloria Brame, Jack Rinella, Race Bannon, and William (Bill) Henkin and Sybil Holiday. Some of these folks have sites. You can also find some of their articles and reviews of some of their books at sexuality.org. You can find many of their books at Amazon, B&N and and some at http://www.daedaluspublishing.com/titles.htm. Finally, check out the list of kink aware professionals at http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_keyword&id=270. You might find someone not to far from you who can give you more ideas and direction.
