Expert: Master Shadow - 8/10/2008

Question
QUESTION: I am a sub to a rather creative and devious Mistress. Ms A. often enjoys scenes with two male subs. She will decide that one sub should top the other. It is obvious that she finds this amusing with two heterosexual males. "Distinguish yourself by releasing the Alpha within you." That is the guideline she sets for such scenes. The first such scenes were a bit embarrassing and awkward. As time as progressed, this has changed. I find that I enjoy topping the other male. I find myself reflecting on the things he has done to me or has had me do as bottom. I find myself compelled to be more creative and demanding than he was to me previously. While I do not find another male sexually attractive, I must confess that I find making ever greater demands upon the other sub quite arousing. When I am in the submissive role in such scenes, I don't find myself aroused. That isn't exactly true. I don't find my submissive role arousing. I find my mind wandering to my turn in response even as I am subject to his rule. This does arouse me. I think about Ms A's comment about exploring the "Alpha." I never thought I would find such scenes to be appealing. I thought of it as something to provide Ms. A with amusement. I find myself a bit perplexed by my enjoyment of this.

ANSWER:  Enjoy it for what it is. Your Mistress is very smart. She, by having you do this, has literally brought out your Alpha, the Top Dog, so to speak. The reason you enjoy it is because it's been there all along, but has been repressed. She, in seeking to better Her property, and increase it's value to Her, has brought your true inner self to the forefront, and now expects you to explore it fully.

Don't, like so many others do, over analyze things. You take out the fun of exploration. Be naturally yourself, free, and without inhibitions while in the Lifestyle. Remember, you are slave, and therefore more free than a Dominant in many respects. As a slave, you are not only asked to explore, learn, and grow, but expected, and required to. You are NOT allowed inhibitions as a slave. You are truly free to explore the sensual side of yourself, to be what is really inside. In short, your secret desires may now be explored without judgement, so long as you stay within your boundaries.

Be well, play safe, and have fun! Best of luck in your Journey.


         SINcerely in Leather,
         Master Shadow.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Master Shadow:
I thank you for your response and appreciate your candor. I still find myself a bit uneasy about this. I'm not speaking of the enjoyment of topping another male sub. I am more concerned about the "Alpha" enjoyment as far as my girlfriend is concerned. She certainly knows of these scenes. My mobile will ring and she will excitedly enquire as to what I can share about the scene and the events that occurred. My girlfriend "K" is a sub. She serves a Mistress and we, of course enjoy the scene together privately. I enjoy more sensual play with her. It is a bit difficult for me to engage in more demanding, intense scenes while topping her. I think much of it comes from how I was raised as far as the manner in which a man should treat a woman. I have found a bit of the "Alpha" popping into our play. It bothers me. I remain surprised by the events that occurred in scenes with Ms. A. I've never been an overly competitive and aggressive type of person. Obviously, you are correct in pointing out that this is within me. Can one balance the "Alpha" with a more tender side as a Top? I do thank you for your thoughtful response to my question.

Kevin

Answer
Quite honestly, I not only think the Alpha and Top not only can be balanced, but are necessarily so for One to be a proper Top, or Dominant in the first place. This shows a maturing, and a growth in the Lifestyle, as well as in your relationship with your One. A person need not be overly competitive in order to be an Alpha. That is a common misconception among many.

As to why Y/you are bothered by the Alpha emerging during play, I wouldn't be overly concerned about it, unless it becomes a problem. This is obviously what your One wanted in the first place, or She would never have brought it out in you.

Scenes that are more intense can be worked into slowly, until you become more comfortable with them. This is the way with many who are learning. At first, you have questions as to whether or not you can even do it. By starting slowly, you will find that you are still secure in your position. This takes time, and patience, as well as long discussions from time to time with your partner, double checking, critiquing your performance, and making sure you are staying with accepted limits agreed upon by the two of you. Remember, you are not abusing the partner, but rather giving them what they desire, and need.

I hope this helps.

         SINcerely in Leather,
         Master Shadow.