Expert: Master Shadow - 8/19/2008

Question
I am a new Dom and I met this woman that is a very experienced Sub, she originally was trained in Gorian ways, but changed to be a Submissive as you know that lifestyle can be very harsh, she introduced me to this world of hers and it was very hard to understand the dynamics of BDSM coming from a vanilla world and she understood that...through alot of reading and many, many, many talks with her, I understand the dynamics of BDSM and I feel its not much different than Vanilla lifestyle, just a hell of alot more open, W/we have dating now for about a month now, W/we have had not sex yet, but W/we had our first play seesion, it was awkward, but I got lost in Dom space and she was in and out of subspace, it was awesome...we are very much so in love and I want to give her a collar of consideration, the reading was very vague about what it should be, what should it be?

I further feel that I have plateaued in reading, I feel I should go to a professional Dom for further education, what are your thoughts on that?, btw I had put a training collar on her to train her to me.  

Answer
 A collar of consideration can be almost anything You choose it to be. A decent necklace usually suffices, as it can be worn in the "nilla" world, and at work, as well as around family without any being the wiser. In some cases, the collar can even be a bracelet, if the Dom so chooses.

 Originally, there weren't collars of consideration, you were either collared, or you weren't, period. Collars of consideration, I believe, really caught on with the online world, and has somewhat been accepted by Lifestylers.

 As to going to a Pro Dom, that would be a personal choice, but one that I would agree on. There's so much more to being a Dominant than just telling someone what to do, or swinging a whip or flogger. There are responsibilities involved. In the mean time, why not let Your sub help with Your learning? This is not shunned in the Lifestyle. Many newbies have learned from Their subs. I even encourage it, personally. It helps Y/you to grow together.

 I learn from my slave almost daily, about little things that make her experience more enjoyable, not just for her, but for Me as well.
Off times, it's actually the little things that matter most, along with consistency. The main thing to remember is that if what Y/you are doing isn't fun, then Y/you are doing something wrong.

 Be honest, not just with Your sub, but with Your self as well. Explore Your kinks and fetishes, but do it honestly. Many fail to reach T/their full potential in the Lifestyle due to upbringing, religious preferences, and just pressures from the nilla world, who says what W/we do is wrong. My advice to Y/you is be true to Y/yourself, be honest with Y/your desires, and always keep safety in the forefront in whatever Y/you do. This is supposed to be fun, and screwing up by seriously injuring a slave or sub is not fun.

 Congrats on Y/your first play session, as well as the training collar. It sounds like Y/you two are well on Y/your way to a lifetime of enjoyment, and learning. Y/you are off to a good start!

 Feel free to write again if You need further clarification, or have other questions.



                                           SINcerely in Leather,
                                           Master Shadow.