Expert: Mistress Violette - 8/30/2008

Question
Hello Mistress Violette~

I am 20 and relatively new to bdsm though I do love it. I am a submissive to a wonderful Domme and we have enjoyed scenes and play together for about six months. I should add that this is my first experience with a woman.. in any manner.
A few nights ago, we enjoyed what I felt was a fantastic night. A scene mixing intensity and intimacy to such a delightful degree. We continued in the bedroom. This was a first! I don't think I have ever found such bliss in giving pleasure to another. I know that She enjoyed it, at least physically. What I mean to say is that, She kissed me and stared into my eyes with a look of concern or confusion. She told me it was late. I nodded and dressed. As I was leaving, I had to ask: Had I done something wrong? Something displeasing? She hugged me, stroked my hair and told me that I had not. "It's fine. Did you enjoy tonight?" I told Her that I loved it. Usually She will call the day after we have been together. She hasn't called. I feel that something is wrong. Did things go further than She had wished the other night? Is it my age? I am confused. We do talk. I would do just that but She has family visiting this weekend. I can't seem to set this aside until next week. I would welcome any thoughts you have, Mistress Violette. Wishing you a lovely holiday weekend!

Anna

Answer
Hello, Anna,

It's very uncomfortable when something like this happens just before a long weekend. Your mistress is out of touch, which can be conducive to fret and worry - if you let it. Yes, you do have a choice. Even in a worst case scenario you can opt not to let negative feelings control you. That's easier said than done, of course, but the good news is the worst case probably isn't what's happening.

It sounds like you're basing your concern on "a look" that you interpreted as worrisome. How do you know your interpretation is right, though? I've had people think I was angry at them when I was looking at, but not seeing, them because I was concentrating on something else. We read things into "a look" all the time and there are plenty of those times when we're way off base. I don't think this is strong evidence of a problem.

Your other piece of negative evidence is that your mistress didn't call you. There's nothing wrong with questioning why that happened but is it possible the reason had to do with getting ready for company? When she told you she would be unavailable this weekend she may have thought you understood that meant she wouldn't call.

You do have some hard evidence and it's positive. When you asked if you'd done something wrong she said you hadn't and that things were fine. You've been with her 6 months and the relationship seems to be sound. Maybe you can trust what she told you. I like to think that all doms are attuned to their subs needs but I know I've failed to give reassurance because I didn't realize it was needed. It could be that's what's happening with your mistress. It also could be that she's aware but can't get alone time to call you right now.

It seems to me there's more tipping the scale in favor of no problem than in favor of there being a concern. It could be you're suffering some anxiety because of her unavailability and this is how it's playing out. That happens sometimes. It's tough not to let it get the best of you but that's what needs to happen. You really don't have any choice but to put this aside until you can talk with her. Even if there actually is a problem, worrying won't accomplish anything other than to ruin your weekend. I imagine your mistress would be unhappy herself and unhappy with you if she knew what was happening. Again, easier said than done, I know, but if you can discipline yourself to put this aside you'll help yourself and your mistress.

I think you already know this, so I hope my take on it will help you be able to relax and enjoy the weekend. :) I wish you the best.

Mistress Violette