Expert: Mistress Violette - 8/8/2008

Question
i have been married to my wife for almost 8 years 3 of which were 24/7 rt D/s as her husband i made mistakes which put an end to our D/s and also our marriage,we are still on very good terms and as our divorce finalizes i find myself in a strange position She has developed a Dominant streak and i find myself wanting and willing to submit, obviously i do have concerns though and would like advice on whether or not to give in to my feelings or to back away from the situation to avoid complications.  can one ever truly submit to one who was their bottom and can a bottom really Dom their former Top

Answer
Hello, Blade,

It depends on the individuals, of course, but it is possible for people to successfully switch roles. Whether you and your former wife are people who can do this is something that's going to take some thought on your part. You're going to want to consider if you want to go there in light of the state of your vanilla relationship. Your feelings with regard to each other are likely very volatile right now, so think carefully about whether a BDSM interaction might stir up something that needs to remain quiet. Also, you'll want to be sure what you're feeling is a genuine desire to submit and not an interest in trying to revive the marriage. It's possible there's an element of guilt or wanting to make it up to her that's influencing either your desire to submit or your desire to submit to this particular person.

You used the word "polyamorous" in the subject so apparently one or both of you already has another relationship. That's an added complication. While it could broaden your horizons and enrich your experience it could have dangerous pitfalls and consequences, especially for the third party or parties. That's yet another factor to complicate your decision.

If these are new roles for you (plural), I can see how you might feel more comfortable trying them on with someone familiar. If your new, non marital relationship is solid, it might be safe for you to go ahead and try BDSM again. Unless you've been informally single for over a year, though, you're probably not in the right mindset to do this. Divorcing people are emotionally vulnerable, BDSM is emotionally intense. Playing together might be something you want to save for a time down the road, when you've put your old relationship to rest and can work on building a new, and different, one.

Good luck to you both.

Mistress Violette