Expert: Lady Aryana - 9/5/2008

Question
I have just started seeing this new guy and from what I can tell he seems to be quite into the D/s lifestyle. I've never been involved with anything quite this 'deep' for lack of a better word and he's already asking questions of me I don't know how to answer. Whats expected of me? and what should I expect? I keep reading different things on the Internet and each one is more unnerving than the last, as well as the phases. I'm interested, but I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into before hand, and you seem to know what your talking about, So is there any advice or info you could help me with please?, I'm feeling just a tad lost and out-of-my-depth at the moment.
xx


Answer
Newbie,

I am not sure I will be much help either.. What is expected of you or what you should expect is really between you and this friend. Every D/s relationship is different. What one Dom wants another might not.

D/s is short for Dominate/submissive/slave now what is Dom or slave/submissive is about really depends on the two involved.

It's about power exchange. What your willing to give him when it comes to control, and what he is willing to take and handle. And mostly what he WANTS. You need to sit down, ask him just what it is he is looking for, and how you will learn or be taught to follow his lead.

I am not sure how old you are, but I tell people to think of a good Power exchange relationship is like the old days. When Grandpa was head of the house, and Grandma took care of everything. She was there to make his life easier, and he looked out and protected her and the family. If Grandpa needed or wanted something grandma served him. He ate first, he was pleased, he had control of the TV *No remotes back then lol* Grandma didn't drive, and when Grandpa spoke EVERYone listened. Grandma, kids, friends. He was the king of his house. His word was law, and when he wasn't around, his word still meant something, even though everyone had to listen to grandma.

A D/s relationship isn't much different really, you give over the control to allow the DOM to do what he wants. You make his life easier, and in return you are carried for, and protected.

Now for the tricky part.. Is this Dom wishing to involved S&M, or spankings, or punishments. If so what does he do for when you don't behave or have done something you shouldn't have but wanted to anyway?

These are things you need to talk about, and figure out if your willing to try them or what. Are you willing to get a tattoo, a piecing? Are you willing to wear a collar, or any other sign of ownership?

I can suggest a few books which might make some learning a bit easier, but it will simply come down to listening, talking and finding out what he wants, and what you think you can handle.

Good luck..

Marie