Expert: awhitecloud - 9/11/2008

Question
My Master and I have been together of 7 yrs, married for 6. Our relationship began as full on- hardcore BDSM- and at the same time we fell desperately in love with one another- committing not only to our exciting , yet private, lifestyle but to our endless love for one another. I became pregnant with our 1st child- long story short- 7 yrs later, I just gave birth to our 4th child.
Needless to say, our sexual activity, vanilla or otherwise, has been all but erased from our lives. It seems that when we have sex, I get pregnant. My situation is 3 fold- first, I am desperate to be intimate with Him, in any way. I would prefer to return to serving Him sexually, but with the family we have- that would take a miracle. I hate to say, but lacking this type of contact with Him sort of zaps the fun out of everything.
Second, we don't know if we want another child and he doesn't want to wear a condom, nor allow me to use Birth Control because of the potential side effects, plus I am still nursing. I am obviously okay with His decision, however we can still be intimate without intercourse. Third, I know He is still a very sexual being and wants to have sex and play, but maybe not with me anymore. I mean, 4 births can do a number on the body. So now, I am depressed.
I do not doubt His love for me and His commitment. I am not afraid of us separating but I really need to be sexual again, to just wrap myself around Him and He is just too far away for me to reach.
I don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
(I asked this of another Expert last week, but would like other opinions as well)

Answer
Well this is a hard one.   think you might need to look at some things and make the time to be together, plan for it sex a night of the week that is for the two of you.

What if you set a say in which you wear subbie clothes on that day, have him define that for you and that is the only day you where those clothes, and make that night the one you both help each other so you can have time together?

You can be sexually intimate and not have sex or maybe he needs to just play with you that night and spend some time talking and holding each other.  

I know how hard it can all be and it is hard to sometimes find time you just adults.  But I have found with the kids and all that they came know what night of the week it is that Mom and Dad are together and they would even help get things done so we could have that time.  When Mom and Dad are happier the kids are as well.

You need to be talking to him more about all of this and how you feel, if you can not write it all out and give it to him and ask him to please read it.  I am sorry but I do all I could to make sure the D/s does not leave my life.  It is a lot of work and on both your parts and it can be hard, but if it is important you most make time for it.  I made time for it just as I did for my children and what they needed to do.


Good luck I hope this has helped you some and feel free to update me on things or ask more questions if you wish.

awhitecloud