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Expert: - 9/8/2008


Question
QUESTION: Hello awhitecloud,
I am wondering, what could I do for my husband which would inspire him to become more dedicated to the D/s lifestyle. I know he wants this, but I dont think he beleives I am serious. I tend to be deviant at times and I am extremly playful, but I want to settle down and get real. I am 24 but I admire the 50's. He says he likes it too, but he doesnt think I can handle it. He also doesnt provide direction to help me either. I feel incomplete inside this relationship at this point and want to take it to the next level. Oh, and we have been actually studying the lifestyle for 3 years.
I appreciate any ideas you can provide.
Thank you very much.

ANSWER: The best way that I know of is to find him a Mentor.  We all need help from time to time as well a push in the right direction.  A Mentor can lead as well direct him and give pushes to along the way.  

I have tried to do this from time to time where I have been ask to in my own relationships and "God it just does not work well at all.  It takes from my submission as well makes me feel as if I am doing the work for him and then I feel as if I am topping from the bottom.  So you need to attend munches and get to know people then when he has someone he can talk to and use as a mentor he will have someone that pushes him and leads him and that will lead and direct you.

Good luck please let me know how it goes.

awhitecloud

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you awhitecloud,
we have attended several munches, yet, he is too shy to approach someone to mentor him. but i will keep you posted.

Answer
Your more then welcome, maybe you need to find another couple there and invite them over and spend some time with them or a Dom that you think would help him.  Get to know them one on one then he might open up more and it is okay for you to ask them to become a mentor to help in your relationship.  But make sure he is okay with that.  And he can e-mail me at awhitecloud@awhitecloud.org at any time as you may as well.

awhitecloud

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awhitecloud

Expertise

Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 16 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle. There is some part or aspect of the lifestyle in each part of my day. I am constantly thinking about something in the lifestyle. There is no part of my day that is not centered around the D/s lifestyle.

Experience

I have been active in the community for over 19 years. I have been helping people for the last 14 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications. Have a published book and am now working on the second one. Helping other as well promoting the lifestyle in a healthy, safe way is what I want to keep trying to do.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal" www.Fetlife.com

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month from D/s World.

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