Expert: Master Shadow - 9/6/2008

Question
My girlfriend and I (w're in a lesbian relationship) are separated by several states.  I adore her, and she adores me, however we're both into BDSM (we both love humiliation play, and objectification, orgasm control, I like pain, she likes a bit of pain, we both LOVE inflicting pain and humiliation) however, as stated we can't be close to one another at the moment, and I was wondering if you has any suggestions for A: finding a balance where we each get a good amount of dom time, and a good amount of sub time (as I've noticed a lot of long distance BDSM suggestions are more single role oriented) as well as some good ideas for fun ways to tourture each other while we're sadly apart, and maybe make the distance seem a little smaller?

As well just so you know, I'm a very femme lesbian (and I enjoy having my femininity rubbed in my nose) and she's a sort of chapstick sort of girl (not butch at all really, but not very girlie though sometimes she likes to be girlie in bed)

Answer
As far as Dom time, and sub time, I would set up a regular schedule with the times on it, so that each gets equal, or close to equal time as Dom, and sub. The schedule should be flexible enough to allow for changes as needed, so that each of you can switch when the need occurs.

As for the things to do to each other, I would first suggest getting a couple of webcams if you don't already have them. Anything a Dominant can do besides using impact play, and the like is open for cams. It gives the Dom a chance to make sure the sub is actually obeying orders, and allows for some kink play long distance.

Another is each of you buying a bdsm toy, clamp, or whathaveyou, and sending it to the other for use when they are sub. The Dom gets to tell the sub where, how, and how long to use the device, and watches to make sure, once again, that orders are followed. Be aware that clips, clamps, clothespins and the like should NEVER be left in place for more than 20 minutes. Severe nerve, or tissue damage can occur if this is done!  Also, make sure the area that was clamped is massaged a bit to ensure the return of circulation to the area, as well as providing even more pain through manipulation of the affected area.

As for other things to do, use your imagination! Just be sure that whatever you do, that it can be done safely, without endangering each other. This just calls for a bit of common sense. Example, do NOT tell your sub to do self bondage, then fireplay! This can be a BIG no no, as well as embarrassing! I hope this helps. Best of luck in Y/your journey!


                                          SINcerely in Leather,
                                          Master Shadow.