Expert: Mistress Violette - 9/22/2008

Question
Hi Mistress-  I'm a new sub and new to BDSM-  I met a FEMDOM on Alt-  and we going to meet after a 5hr plane ride.she's paying for the hotel and reimbursing for the plane ride, she seems nice but she is also a Dom and I understand that.  She is asking for me to bring- perfume/stuff from Victoria's secret  etc. plus a  1000 tribute.
it this all part of the D/s scene or I'm getting used?
I'm uncomfortable with this.  what do you think?

                      thanks for answer this


Answer
Hi, Paul,

I think this is confusing. If the two of you are exploring a personal relationship as dom and sub, this trip would be for you to get to know each other and maybe play, if you both felt comfortable after being together for a while. You would pay for your own air fare and hotel, she might provide meals and entertainment or you might share the costs. You might bring an inexpensive gift but certainly nothing lavish and most definitely not a "tribute." On the other hand, if she is a professional dominant, that's something she should have told you at the beginning, if not in her profile, at least in the first e-mail. In that case, you would pay your own air fare and hotel plus whatever her fee (cash plus gifts) was for the time you were in sessions. What you've described isn't any situation with which I'm familiar. I suppose it could be a scam but it sounds like she's maybe new to BDSM and thinks getting money and gifts is part of being a dom. It's not, unless the relationship is professional or unless the partners have chosen to incorporate this element into their relationship. In other words, no, it's not part of the BDSM scene.

You might want to explore a little further before committing to a trip. The two of you should understand each other's expectations, both for the trip and for the relationship, to avoid misunderstanding and disappointment. That's one of the reasons most people in the BDSM community stress the importance of good communication, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship.

I hope this works out well for you, Paul.

Mistress Violette