Expert: Lady Aryana - 1/16/2009

Question
Hi MrsMarie,
My fiance recently revealed that he wishes to be dominated. Rather than having him go elsewhere I decided to explore my thoughts and feelings I've had for quite some time on wanting to dominate. My only problem is that I have no idea which way to go, what to read as a sort of guideline and what to do.
I'm very keen on doing this, but I want as much information as what I can get before we enter into something that I can't handle or no nothing about.
I have some experience as a sub, but found I like to be more in control. I've often "played" out some things in private as a sort of practice, but never with someone else. If you could please give me some guidelines and/or links I can use to research this further, your help will be greatly appreciated.

Answer
Hello Lily,

This will change over time, there is pretty much nothing you cant do if you both agree to it. The only thing you need to make sure of first and foremost is limits. Is there something that he simply isn't able to do?

Scat, animals,breath play, and so forth.. Once these limits are set, make your limits known to him,,This way he knows not to try to get you to do something you already know you don't want or simply cant do.

I would suggest you read the following books

Screw the roses, send me the thorns

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Lorelei

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women - Paperback (Aug 1, 2000) by Claudia Varrin

This is a book I suggest you both read

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle  by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean (Paperback - April 1992)

As for web sites, I can give you some, but please remember the relationship is between you and him.. And no two relationships will ever been the same.

http://www.thedomsview.com/Vol7/I5/intro.htm

http://www.leatherviews.com/home.htm Written by Jack Rinella although he is gay, he offers alot of wonderful advice.

Though this is based on a Male/female relationship, you should get a little idea to what you can do based on what you want.

http://www.bestslavetraining.com/Behavior.htm

http://www.bdsmdebunkingthemyths.com/Welcome.html

If you put in BDSM in google you will come up so tons of hits. Simply take your time in finding what you wish to use and how to do it.

Good Luck

MrsMarie