Expert: ziggy ziegler - 1/7/2009

Question
ziggy,
I am fairly new to the BDSM lifestyle.  My slave and I have known each other
for several years and she has submitted herself as my slave for a few months
now.  This is the first time I have actually owned a slave, I have never trained,
she is a masochist, I am a sadist.  We get along very well, we know each other
well, everything is quite fine.

Recently she had been hinting that she wants to be collared.  It's what I really
want too.  As I have become more comfortable with my dominant role, I have
been exploring ways of training my slave.  At this point it has been "light"
training and it is obvious to me that we will have a ways to go.  What is
interesting is that she has been in the lifestyle for several years while I've only
been in it for a few months, but that doesn't seem to be a problem with her
(I'm a quick learner and follow my intuition well).

I told her that when I felt she was ready, I would collar her and then her
"formal" training would begin.  She asked what this meant and I was pretty
vague and just said she would be learning more specific protocols and it
would seem more structured.  What I do have planned is rather strict.  
Immediately after collaring her, I plan on showing my appreciation through
whipping or knife play or something like that (something she enjoys)
immediately followed with a few protocols.  I will tell her exactly what
responses I want when giving her a command, how she should ask questions
when she has concerns, when she can be a "high" slave and when she should
be a "low" slave and the protocols around that.  I will teach her what my
expectations are (that I don't want a dumb slave, that she shows her
appreciation, etc).  My punishments for willful disobedience will be harsh.  At
the end of the "formal" training, I will present a gift to her that she can
consider her own and we will celebrate.

I was wondering your thoughts on this.  At this point in our relationship she
lives away from me and I'm lucky if I get to spend a day with her every week,
but she has expressed her wish to marry me (my wish too) and we're trying to
make it work to where we can be together.  We love each other very much.  A
concern I have (partly because I'm new) is I'm afraid she will not like my
training, or she will think I'm doing it wrong or stupidly or something.  She's
already mentioned that a lot of things that I have done (special letter writing,
ways of forcing her to submit) have been unusual or unorthodox, but she has
also explained that every Master is different and we rule our slaves our way.  I
don't want to do anything to damage this relationship.  I've done a lot of
research online about training and mastering, but haven't really found much
that I thought was especially helpful.

Sorry for the long email.
-Mark

Answer


Dear Sir Mark



WOW congratulations.. It sounds as if you have found a great match for you. A wonderful thing I might add .. smiles.

I fully enjoyed reading your note. I am not sure if what I will say is something that you haven't heard already in your research but I can tell you that I can offer you my perspective and a slave with some experience and hopefully you will find it of benefit.

One of the obstacles I find with most masters concerning training is not having clear expectations and not knowing how to get to their goals. I find folks often confuse training with conditioning which is what is often found in play. Training on the other hand, is shaping thought processes, attitude and behaviors by employing effective modalities. (Another words, whatever master determines is effective.)

When I have been the trainer, I follow a simple process.

Before I begin I have to have a clear vision of what I would like to slave to not only learn as in skills, but what I would like him or her to actualize with regards to attitude. I always recommend that the master take some time and try and write out a list of basic protocols and attitudes he or she finds appealing. Note of advice consider dividing your protocols into three levels that way your slave and you can be in protocol not matter who is around. The highest level, reserved for when the two of you are together alone or with other master and slave friends. Also remember one fail safe message, which is that its easier to add protocols than to subtract them. (Subtracting may give you both a sense of failure, something we want to avoid especially in the beginning) Its a known fact that over time those protocols that no longer fit for you, will fall away and the most meaningful and applicable will remain to become the foundation of your M/s relationship.

I mentioned protocols a lot because that is one area most masters use as a training staple, it’s also is a window to the attitude of the slave… Another word to the wise;  don’t make more rules, protocols or rituals than you yourself can keep up with. During the training phase of your relationship, not following through with a protocol not adhered to will send the message that that protocol is not important.

I digress. So once I have determined what I want and what my goals are I then need to understand just how I might achieve those goals. That is another area that seems difficult for most people.. They may know what they want, but how to get it is sometimes not as simple as just saying so.

I hate to say this, but for most of us “ by the time we reach 35 our baggage no longer fits in the overhead compartment,” this is another argument for moving forward at a slow and steady pace. Master and slave relationships, no matter how much we want them can tap into some wonderful aspects of who we are but can also tape into some trigger points.. Just please be aware of that. I always say we often fall in love with the idea of Master and slave before we actualize it. smiles me included lol…  Knowing your submissive partner is key. It sounds like you are getting there nicely.

Being mindful and intuitive is very helpful as well…. the best trainers I have learned form, are ones that can look at a directive and can extrapolate what goal that directive with accomplish. For example:

Slave serves dinner, sits down and begins to eat… This infraction shows that the slave’s attitude is not what I desire it to be with regards to selflessness or the ability to think of masters needs before her own.  So, for the next two weeks I will be served first, and then she will sit at my feet and I will feed her. Ok that might be hot but not if she is hungry. (no not talking about starving her and of course if she is diabetic acceptation can be made but like I said this is and example)

Or say a slave has issue concentrating/ focusing and the result is a lack of attention to detail. I have had slaves scrub the kitchen floor (I have a huge country kitchen) with a tooth brush every nook and cranny) this slows them down and forces them to concentrate and work more mindfully.

Again, it’s looking at the infraction and assigning a task that is productive as well as lesson / goal oriented. A master could even come up with activities that are more proactive. No need to wait until there is an infraction to enact learning tasks

Next I begin slow, each skill or protocol is repeated until it becomes a natural flow and then we go on to the next. I avoid piling on to many protocols or skills at once. Another thing I find is that masters /trainers know how they want a slave to act but they often over look the service aspect of the relationship. How you want your laundry folded, how you would like you dinner served, the bed made, the bathroom cleaned, what foods you like, how many sugars you take in your coffee, what your night time routine is going to be. These tasks are important to the slave in that she is giving to you in a very physically enduring way; but again one-step at a time.

The thing I find that makes a lasting and successful M/s relationships, is where the slave and the master are constantly learning. That really can’t happen, if things move to quickly.

Next step is the testing phase: This can be ongoing but for the sake of this discussion, I am making this linier. Each new task should be tested and rated and then retested until it’s to your satisfaction, and then on to the next task.

As for distance: You are correct this can be difficult but certainly not impossible you can begin as you mentioned by setting tasks to be know and a routine to be followed daily. I wont lie I am partial to in person training but that does not mean you can not begin to set the tone and pace of your relationship even at a distance.

Just a quick word on punishment: Punishment works ONLY if one finds the slaves motivation and I believe in levels of punishment. However, for the slave who is a masochist corporal type punishments can be counterproductive in the end. Swift and exacting is the best form of punishment but be careful there too, because if it”s too swift the best choice in punishment might be lost in the moment of your emotion or anger. It’s a fine line, I know, but just a thought.

Another thought is standardized punishment the same uncomfortable and sometimes painful punishments are the most affective. For example: A master friend of mine has a pillory, 5 hours min for an infraction oh that sucks lol but just standing in it for an hour was enough to make me behave .. smiles. He believes that standardized punishments, removes the eroticism of punishment from the slaves brain so that they can concentrate on the infraction. Also the best results come when the slave has accepted the punishment and then afterward is made to explain how they will correct that behavior in the future.

As you said you want a thinking and intelligent slave.. I agree, long term a none-thinking doormat makes for a lousy partner. You want her to be in her right station as your slave but she has to be more then just a slave and for her to be proactive in her slavery she must be able to think dependant on the wish you as her master even when he is not around.

You mentioned that you don’t wish to look stupid or do stupid things as you learn your role as master. You are certainly not alone in that feeling. Most masters don’t wish to do that and one way I see to lesson that possibility is to take it slow, be deliberate, and think things out. Understand, that you are  not only her master,r but that all of your directions and your orders will have an affect on both of you, both positive and negative. Second, own your mistakes. You don’t have to be perfect Sir, really, but you do have to be in charge and willing to accept responsibility for the outcome both positive and negative. Lastly, don’t forget to laugh. Masters who take themselves far to seriously forget this is a shared journey you are taking with someone you love and cherish.. love without laughter Well I am sure you get my meaning.

Might I also take a moment to recommend some reading? “Protocol for the female slave” by rubel, “masters manual” by jack rinella, “master/slave relationships”, Master slave relationships 401 and 402 by the same author. “Partners in power” by Rinella and some slave books “the complete slave by jack Rinella, Becoming slave by Rinella, ‘Slave craft by guy Baldwin and “To love, to obey, to serve by V.M Johnson. These are books written by people I know personally, and I have read. Not that just be cause I know them you should read them lol but because they offer a broad spectrum of ideas regarding Master and slave relationships

In reading your note, I find you are a thoughtful and well-directed master. Your thought process is a credit to you as a master. Something rare I might add. I wish you and your slave the very best in your journey into mastery and slavery…

Good luck and best wishes
slave ziggy