Expert: CougarDomme - 1/8/2009

Question
I am a novice Dominate working with my wife only.  I can't seem to get her into sub-space.  I tend to go slow with the application of pain and we sometimes break character.  Is this my fault that she is not reaching sub space.  I am good at communicating with her and she insists I never come close to her limits.  Do I need to be more deliberate and raise the level of pain?  Any tips you have would be great.  I have read "The Loving Dominate" and "SM101" and have taken all I can from those books.  Thanks

Answer
Dominate is what you do, dominant is what you are.  Not using the correct term will make you a laughingstock at any event you might attend. If your wife is telling you that you never come close to her limits, what she is REALLY telling you is that she wants a MORE severe session.  Raise the pain level and learn the value of a mind fuck so that she is more apprehensive--and do a session that forces her to use her safeword.  When I have a new sub to train, I start with a session that is very severe and I make SURE they have to stop me by using their safeword--once they know I can and will go past their limit it adds apprehension to the scene. Tie her more tightly and make sure she can't get loose.  Blindfolds add a great deal to a scene--it puts fear into the sub--when they can't see your face, you can use your voice as an ominous tool.  Don't ask her what she wants to do, do what YOU want to do--step up and take charge.  She wants you to treat her like the horny slut she is deep inside and for you to get there will require a serious session.  She's your PROPERTY during a session--no nicey nice kissy face! Wind your fist up in her hair and take her into the session. Tie her tightly so she can't move or get away. Tell her she isn't allowed to speak and gag her if she does. Tease her to the point of orgasm and stop--repeatedly.  Make her beg to be allowed to orgasm.  Arouse her, caress her and then add pain--then punish her for being such a horny slut--the more aroused she is, the more pain she will need and crave. Stick your fingers in her wet pussy and wipe them on her mouth and tell her what a dirty bitch she is and that she belongs to you and she'll do whatever you tell her to do because she's your hot horny slut.  Spend an evening with her tied spread eagled and leisurely examine her--tease her nipples and then put tight clips on them...take your time and make her beg and scream. Get the idea?