Expert: arani_CsA - 1/21/2009

Question
I am Very new to all of this. My girlfriend say's she wants me to do the master/slave dom/sub type stuff. The problem is I have no idea what so ever in how to do this. I have never been involved in this type of play. Is there a good book you could suggest that could help me. Or even better a web site to teach you how. I'm excited about starting this part of our life's but have no idea where to start. She has been in these kind of relationships before so it even makes it worse when I don't know what to say or do. Thanks for any help you can be.
Steve

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your questions.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

If your girlfriend has been in a BDSM relationship before, then she can probably tell you at least some things about what to expect.  But I will be happy to provide you with some good resources for you to check out.  Better yet, read them together, and then discuss what you understand about what you have read (and what it means for the two of you).

You may already know that there are a wide variety of relationships possible within the spectrum known as BDSM.  Some people simply enjoy a little kinky play in the bedroom, and others crave a full-blown Master/slave relationship like my husband and I have.  And there are many different flavors in between.  Basically, you and your girlfriend can construct a relationship that is what you need it to be.  That's one of the great things about this lifestyle; no one is restricted to what anyone else thinks they should do.

Any Dom/sub-type relationship should start with some kind of negotiations, where both parties discuss what they want out of the relationship as well as what they are willing to bring to the relationship -- and what they DON'T want.  This can range from saying that you want her to cook your dinner while naked and then kneel beside you while she serves it to you, what she calls you, whether she works or not, whether you will include various types of S/m play in your relationship, and so on.  It will also include what you are willing to do for her; the Dom carries the responsibility of protecting and nurturing his submissive, and helping her to grow as a person as well as a servant.  

One important thing to remember here is that consent plays a big part in these relationships.  You and she must agree, absolutely and without question, to what takes place.  This is one reason why these preliminary negotiations are so important; your submissive should understand, going into the relationship, what is expected of her and what you will do in return.  You should allow her limits, or certain things that will not be required of her.  But she should also expect that you will push those limits from time to time, while still allowing her to feel safe with you.

Okay, I could go on and on about a lifestyle that I have found fulfillment in for the last 10 years and more.  But instead I'll give you those websites that I promised you, and let you do some research on your own.  But, again, it's better if the two of you do this research together, or at least discuss together what you have read.  Your girlfriend may already by familiar with most of what you read, and be able to provide some additional insight, but she might find that she learns something as well.

http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Good luck to you both.  If you have any further questions, please feel free to bring them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius