Expert: arani_CsA - 1/16/2009

Question
hello, i have recently met a girl on second life that has become my sub and she is thrilled. it is new for me and i want to learn how i can do this well so that both of our needs are fulfilled. it is exciting and a little scary because she is giving herself to me as a sub both in the virtual reality of SL and in the real world as well. what is the best source of information to learn about the dom position and the control of the sub?

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

First of all, congratulations on finding a partner to complete your life.  The BDSM lifestyle can be an extremely rewarding one, but one that takes work on the part of all involved.  (But, then, any meaningful relationship does, doesn't it?)  Basically, you get out of it what you put into it.

You may already be aware that there are many different types (or levels) of D/s relationships.  There are some who simply want some kinky play in the bedroom, and then there are those who crave something close to what my husband and I experience as Master and slave.  And everything in between.  Your particular relationship will be defined by you and your partner, and what both of you want from it, in preliminary negotiations as well as over the course of time spent together.

I have not spent a lot of time on Second Life, but I was at one time very active in the role-playing chat rooms that were quite common on the internet several years ago.  I had two on-line collars, and attribute that experience to helping to make me the woman I am today.  However, there are some cautions that must be given here.  I'm glad to hear that the two of you are working on your relationship off line as well as on.  Your time spent together on line should be an extension of, or a supplement to, the totality of your relationship.  There are too many people who profess to be Dominants or submissives while the computer is turned on, and then go off to be a completely different person when they turn it off.

As a slave, it's hard for me to fully explain what a Dominant goes through mentally.  However, I can say that most submissives (and slaves) respond much better to a man or woman who is self-assured and confident, and displays that openly.  It is said that a man cannot master a woman, if he has not fully mastered himself.

The majority of us don't want a chest-thumper.  We don't want someone who goes around arrogantly broadcasting that THEY are in charge, and every submissive woman in the world had better get down on their knees before them, and quickly.  The Masters that are most sought after simply are.  They exude a sense of self-assurance that radiates from them without any effort.  They know what they want, and what they need to do in order to get it.  And they do it without making any effort to call attention to themselves.

We want our Masters to be consistent.  We want them to protect us, and be concerned for our welfare, without putting us on a pedestal.  Think of owning an expensive sports car.  You took a lot of trouble to go out and find just the right car, spent a lot of hard-earned money to buy it, and work hard to keep it well-tuned and in good condition.  You may love your car, but you don't put it before yourself.  

Here are some good places to go, to learn more about the lifestyle and what it means to be a successful Dominant:
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Good luck to you and your new sub.  If you have any further questions, please feel free to bring them to me.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius