You are here:
- Home
- People/Relationships
- BDSM
- BDSM
- I'm kinda new.
BDSM/I'm kinda new.
Advertisement
Question
I'm kinda new to the whole BDSM scene, I've always liked to control the person I'm with and enjoy the thought of completely owning someone and humiliating them. The guy I like now knows what he wants and it's what i want too, but whenever we're together it starts going the way i want but then for some reason gets awkward. I seriously don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's not him because he always listens to what i say without a word. Any idea on what i should do?
Ashes,
Well it sounds like you are needing to learn to control the Dom side of yourself. Only time, will get you past the awkward stage.
Lets start out by reading, you will learn that alot of good ideas, come from reading.
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance
The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women
If this guy you are involved with really wishes to be your submissive, then he needs to learn just what it means.
The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean
This is a good book which you both can learn from, although there is one aimed for the Master, its written by Jack and is called the Compleat Master.
Alot of other books can offer both you and him answers to questions which will come up in time.
Screw the roses, send me the throns
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission
The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame
Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy
Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational) by Joseph W. Bean
The most important thing to remember is TALK.. You can never talk to much, but not only talk, listen to what is being said. It's easy to sit there and *listen* but its alot harder to pay attention and actually listen and respond to what is being said.
Good luck
MrsMarie
Related Articles
- Adjective/Noun Agreement - Learning Latin
- Having “The Talk” - Raising Adolescent Boys
- Understand and Respect Your Child's History - Raising Adopted Children
- Choosing the Program That Is Right for You - Working with Animals
- Exercise Glossary - M - Exercise glossary terms that start with the letter 'M'
Answers by Expert:
Lady Aryana
Expertise
Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Old Guard, Victorn Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Email groups for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. I was collared to my Master, then we married Sept 25 2003. I am no longer in a relationship with him, although as D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either DD or D/s, or simply learning more in order to help others.
Experience
I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment although I am in a DD based relationship which has a very strong sense of D/s although it is NON sexual. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me, and at the moment I have to male slaves who would like to submit. Simply haven't had the time or place to do that yet. I know many egroups who can offer support. I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 22 yrs in BDSM in one way or another
Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I belong to the local BDSM community in AL, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.
Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.
Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and Old Guard. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.
©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.