Expert: Lady Aryana - 1/31/2009

Question
Hello,

My Master and i have have been together for almost three years.

The question is i enjyoy bondage very much it free's my mind.But my Master only does bondage on me in demonstration or when another submissive is part of the play.

He says he does not do bondage on me when it is only me and him as it always lead to sexual intercourse. I have said to him that it does not always have to be that way. Sometime all i need it just to be tied up for a while.

Are my needs not important as a submissive.

kitten

Answer
kitten,

Yea your needs are important, although the Master/Mistress will have the right to decide what needs get met and when.. Unless it has to do with mental or physical they should ALWAYS put those two needs first so that you won't suffer any long term issues.

 Now as for bondage, Did you know he wasn't into it much when you meet, and begged his collar? Or did he stop doing it after you begged collar?

If this is something that you knew, it should have been taken into consideration before become his.. Like if he is poly and plans on taking another girl this is something you should have talked about before, this way you can't come back and say you have issues.

 As for if this is something he stopped doing afterward, then its time to sit and talk.. Will it bother you for it to be sexual? The sex could be a form of saying thank you for giving you something you enjoy, so now he can take what he enjoys in return.

If he is simply not doing it cause he is worried it will be come sexual, then I think you need to ask him what's so wrong with that? Unless you both agreed that you would have a non sexual relationship I can't understand why it becoming sexual is a problem. Communication is the key to all relationship, and sounds like there is a lack of it here,,

If he isn't willing to bind you in rope, maybe he can restrain you at night so you get the feeling of bondage without all the work, and not having to have him worry about sex.

This is a relationship, it's two ways here, and not one or the others feelings are more *important* Just there is a power exchange, and one person *normally the Dom* seems like he is getting more.. Although if the submissive isn't happy in her place, her service isn't as good as it can be, and in the long run it can ruin the relationship.

Maybe you can talk to him and come to some agreement, Bondage is a form of reward for you.. When you do something to please him he can tie you up in some form or another.. Sit and talk with him, I mean really talk.

If you have a local dungeon around, maybe getting someone won't bias for you or for him to sit down and be able to give suggestions or help you talk it out..

Maybe he will consider allowing you to find someone who is into bondage you can play with with no sex as a agreement..

A long time ago, I loved to be flogged, spanked, and so forth,, But I didnt have a Master who could attend the dungeon.. Well I hate bondage, but there was a Dom Friend of mine who could work a flogger and was well known for his bondage... So I would approach him and come to an agreement,,I would let him tie me up even though I hated it as long as he would flog me when he was done lol..

You can also show him what you wrote, and this might get him to understand a few things, One Bondage is something you really need, and two that you are upset that he wont/isn't taking your feelings into consideration..

Good luck

Mrs Marie