Expert: Lady Aryana - 10/21/2009

Question
I'm rather new to the bdsm scene and have come into possession of a male sub who has recently expressed that he's wanted to be my slave for a long time. Having just broken up with my previous boyfriend who was rather dull in the bedroom, I immediately accepted the offer from my friend. We live a few states away from one another, however he plans on coming to see me in January of next year, and I'm very very excited about the visit. Presently we talk exclusively online via webcam and I've made him perform for me over the internet several times since we've 'gotten together'. Unfortunately though, I've never had the opportunity to dominate someone before in person. Not even a spanking behind closed doors. I'm a writer by hobby and have role-played such fantasies with others via forums and a few games, and I believe I do fabulously in that respect. My problem is I'm afraid I wont be able to do it in real life (Even though I REALLY want to) when he's down here to see me, or that I'll disappoint him. I KNOW I have it in me, so how do I bring my inner dominatrix out and make the experience that much more gratifying? And also, I don't have access to a whole lot of bondage/sex gear, so how can I be creative in the bedroom?

Thanks, and here's looking forward to a great new experience!

Answer
Anna,

First take a deep breath, your going to need it... We all go through this phase when we first enter into a real time relationship.. You need to remember first and foremost, that you are not really *hurting* him, it may feel like it to the both of you, but it's something he wants, and just as important something YOU want..

Let me suggest a few books..

The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance

The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women

You say you have him perform for you over a webcam, let me suggest you also have him self spank for you as well.. This way you can see that he is willing to accept your direction, and two it will get you ready for when he is there.. Knowing he wants to be spanked and has performed it for you over the cam will make it a little easier on you when the time comes..

Another suggestion is, start out with some role playing,,, Where you can have a reason to *spank* him even if it's all in fun....

As for access to bondage/sex gear. You have alot more then you know.. Rope, neck ties, stockings, all are wonderful but cheap bondage toys.. And the dollar store.. Oh dear what toys can you find in there.. Check out Home Depot, you will be surprised to what you can find in there.. A saw horse from there makes for wonderful positions to tie someone down on.. Speaking from experience there lol

Now, as for toys, can we say fresh fruit? Cucumbers make for wonderful dildo's *non peeled of course* You simply need to put your mind to work, and you will be surprised to what you can think of out side of a sex shop I am not sure the correct name, but there is a book called S&M 101 on a budget or something along that line..

Good luck, and remember, this is something that is supposed to be enjoyed, not feared,, Just remember if it feels good, then go with it, if it doesn't, then you need to figure out something else to do so you are having fun.

Wishing you both luck.

Lady Aryana