AboutOscar G. Expertise From simple curiosity to elaborate scene set up and planning as well as technique, gear, link, advice, opinion, facts and reference among other colleagues.
Social, spiritual, romantic and emotional issues related to BDSM
Bondage being my focus and specialty, but love the sensual aspects of these arts.
Experience 15 years researching, reading, interacting, dating and playing in the BDSM lifestyle actively as a Dom, used to be sub.
BDSM, Bondage, gags, blindfolds, knots, ropes, restrains and roleplaying
Organizations belong to Assorted loose organizations in Southern CA
Publications N/A
Education/Credentials Engineering & Military
Awards and Honors Military and respect from my peers in the BDSM community
Question I recently have become acquainted with a man online who calls himself a Daddy Dom. I had never heard of anything like it before i met him and he has introduced me to several aspects of it. He has had me do different things for him, not sure what the term would be, and then send proof to him, i.e. pictures, video's. What I am wondering is, he says that he is a Daddy Dom, has treated me well, but has never made any kind of a commitment to me. It has been an arms length type of arrangement. He has been up front that he has several 'others' that he helps with life crisis' and also to teach them about who they are and their sexuality. Trying to teach women that they can have sex w/o it being attached to love, it being a learning experience, physically and emotionally. He recently became very upset with me when I admitted that I wanted him to love me. I am now very confused as i thought that Daddy Dom's were supposed to love their little girls. He says as much but isn't acting in that manner. Is it possible that we just don't have the same definition of love?!?! Any light you can shed would be greatly appreciated, and if there is somewhere that I can read more about this lifestyle and responsibilities/expectations, would love to be directed to it. Thanks in advance for your time.
Answer Dear Dana:
Sadly yes. It IS possible that you just don't have the same definition of love. And i do not think everybody does. And only those who have a similar definition can actually get along. Actually there are MANY book into the theory and practice of BDSM easily found in Amazon and the web. LOTS. The problem is that theory and proper practice fall on the way side of ugly realities and horrible human condition sometimes. Not being fatalistic nor negative, just factual and realist.
It is possible to find honest and true BDSM people. But just like in vanilla/romantic relationships some people are not totally honest or can be contradictory. Sadly, I have seen people who use BDSM as a excuse to misbehave and justify their actions that otherwise could not be allowed in polite company or even ethical. And even among experienced BDSM people those deceptive attitudes are frowned upon and disdained. And then again there are people who think calling themselves Daddy Doms (I feel it is trendy thing ) and do not even properly know what BDSM is or what even the little girl/Daddy dynamic is about much less. But i digress.
There are as i said many book in Amazon to suit your tastes. Just used BDSM in search and you will see many aimed at subs, doms, switches, and also specific to each gender. And i believe all them will tell you not to compromise your principles, and follow your instincts. If something does not feel equitable or fair, it probably it is not. Just because a Dom ask does not mean you always have to follow, if it is something you goes against what you initially agree along with him. But then again he has to define the terms and conditions, and you have to define yours. If your terms are limits are not similar to his initially, conflict is sure to follow and soon. My point would be for you to define what you what out of a BDSM relation and the type of Dominant you seek. Just because 'Daddy' is a comforting, warm term does not mean just adding it to 'Dom' will give you are superb specimen of lover or human being. Caveat Emptor.
By knowing who you are and you want will make you be able to decide what type guy you need. And he is not that type, try again and seek elsewhere.
I hope this short insight helps you to the right path. Be well, be safe and have fun.
Oscar G.
