Expert: Robert Rubel - 10/6/2009

Question
Hi Rebert,

Six months ago I hired a 26 year old young women to work at my company (Maryam) and over the past three months we have fallen in love and I have proposed. She has accepted but given that we live in an Islamic country her father has to give his permission. The family at first was completely against the marriage because of the age difference but their final decision has not been made as I am to meet with the rest of the family. I am 56 and if I was to sell everything I'd maybe end up with two million dollars. She is not from a wealthy family.

Here is the complicated stuff:

She is a virgin and claims that I am the first man she has had sex with. She made the first moves and so far has given me three great blow jobs. I've performed cunnilingus and analingus on her and she has loved it. It is the first time that I have performed analingus.

After the first time we had sex we spoke on the phone late that night and she told me about a video she had seen six months ago that showed a threesome and that while the man and the women were having sex the second women began masturbating and when she was about to come she went over to the man and pissed on his face. Maryam then said that this was a huge turn on and that she masturbated three times after seeing the video and then four times more that night.

One night when we were both very horny but could not see each other due to parental control she texted over a sexual fantasy that involved her tying me up to a tree and then having wild sex which then shifted to my tying her up to the tree.

She has told me she is sexually hot and the main reason she wants to get married is because she wants to have sex. Yes, women here are very sexually frustrated.

I had arrived at the conclusion that she had got exposed to various Internet porn videos and had fantasies about sexual activity but had no idea what she really wanted  until four days ago.

She told me that she wants to have a dominating relationship with me though it seems we are both switchers. But what totally caught me off guard was that she wants to piss on my face, and into my mouth! After 48 hours of being in shock and a great deal of research on the Internet the idea is not so shocking but what I did not expect was that she considered this perfectly normal sexual activity and assumed that all couples did it! She does not know English well enough to use the Internet except in her own language. Besides most everything about sex on the Internet is blocked by the government.

So, we now have a huge age difference on top of her sexual needs that are definitely in the kinky department.

When I asked her when she discovered that she liked pee play she said when she was six years old. She told me about having a female friend a year younger than her and that she remembered sitting on her potty and enjoyed seeing her also sitting on her potty peeing. They got naked and had sex with each other and that she use to tell this five year old girl what to do and she apparently did a very good job as she has very fond memories of it. I find it very hard to believe that two girls that age could have a sexual relationship, though it could happen I guess. Maryam entered puberty at age nine and she had another girl friend during that time but it was less intimate. But she says at that time she liked to pee standing up and she liked doing this a great deal as she liked to think she was a boy.

She has had various marriage proposals and two of them that she told me about caused the men to cry when she rejected them. She said she enjoyed it when they cried.

What are my concerns and questions? I have a thousand questions but the main ones are these:

I have no idea at this time if I can get into her style of pee play though I may try given that I love her but if I can't this may make our marriage unworkable. Or will it? My first reaction to her was that I would not participate and that if this is a need she has to fulfill she needs to do it outside the house, which in a Muslim country is close to impossible. We may move to Europe or Canada.

But the domination and submission play involving switching is something I think will work out between us. I've had fantasies of having a lover use a strap on and I love giving erotic massage and getting a massage. I don’t know about having a collar around my neck and the rest of it but I think she would like doing that kind of stuff. It's the pee play that has me concerned.

At first it was a curiosity for me and during one of encountered I asked her what she wanted to do and before she could answer I said, No you can't piss on my face (referring to the video) but she could relieve herself while giving me a blow job. She liked that suggestion and we went over to the shower and she peed away while giving me a blow job.

One thing I should mention about her sexuality is that when she gets aroused she has the urge to pee. At first I thought that this was most likely female ejaculation and wanted to massage her G spot to get her to ejaculate but her hymen is in the way for this. When I told her this she responded by sending me a text message saying she had seen a video of a man getting peed in his mouth and that she enjoyed the video.

Okay the young woman is into urolognia and into BDSM as a switcher. She also wants to control my life and wants to tell me what to do and what not to do. As a relationship all this would be okay but as a marriage?

One of her reactions to when I objected to getting pissed on was that she had agreed to have children and that the least I could do was to agree to this small request. When I asked her if she would allow me to pee on her face and into her mouth she said she would agree.

Yes, I'm wondering what is the best thing to do as I'd hate to get married to her and then see things fall apart because of her urolognia. And once she married me she would lose her virginity and that would be a major problem for her as divorce would be a totally unfair solution.

One final point: She says she has had a very stubborn young man wanting to marry her for the past six years. My response was that she obviously had not made it clear to him that she did not want to marry him but instead had been playing with him. Now that I know about her sexual orientation I think over time she probably turned this poor chap into a sex slave. She wants me to think that I am the only man she has had sex with but I can't get rid of the doubt. A woman of 26 that has not had any form of sex with another man and is into BDSM and urolognia seems a very unlikely situation.

Any thoughts you have on this matter would be greatly appreciated. So many alarm bells are ringing in my head that I can't think straight.

Thanks for your feedback.

David  

Answer
David,

Let me try taking this in pieces.

First, about you wearing a collar: consider other symbols -- bracelet, body chain, special watch

Receiving watersports (as it's called): have her drink lots and lots of water at least the first time.  Less of a shock if she's going to pee into your mouth.  You might also consider sitting on the toilet and have her sit down facing you and pee.  Similarly, be in the shower, have her straddle your back and pee while the shower is running -- or before.  Just ideas.

Having to pee when aroused.  Try having her pee before you start play and see whether the sensation still arises.  However, the definition of a fetish is that it's something that sexually arouses you, so her interest in peeing with you is congruent with her having a watersports fetish.

Master/slave:  You have a huge hurdle to cross over the issue of her controlling you completely.  Bear in mind, in the world of Master/slave relations, this would include all your money and property.  Now, I'm Owned and I'm a switch with my own slave, but my Owner uses me as her business manager, so I'm free to make suggestions/recommendations.  Also, she makes no claim on my money.  On the other hand, my slave turns her salary over to me and I control what possessions she may keep with her and even which she may leave in storage.  There are great books out there on Master/slave structures.  Try an Amazon search on Master/slave.

What does she bring to the table?  What background/experiences/potentials does she bring to the table that you are considering being her slave?  In the Leather Community -- to which I belong -- slave petition a particular Master because they feel that they can learn from this person.  It's not at all necessarily a love issue.  

I can't really comment on your final thought except to ask you to make sure that when you say: "had sex with..." that "sex" means the same thing to each of you.  I think that the country was a little surprised with Pres Clinton didn't consider receiving a blow job to be sex.  

For her, watersports may well be all the sex she really wants.  You have no idea how she'll respond to intercourse.

I can't advise you, I can only give you my comments.

I don't envy your situation.  I hope you resolve it successfully.

In Leather Heart and Spirit...

Bob