Aboutziggy ziegler Expertise I am available to answer questions pertaining to the Master slave dynamic. The slaves journey into submission, mentorship, service,leather lifestyle, household management, and training
Experience I am a 45 year old female slave who has been part of the BDSM/M/s lifestyle since 1983 and have traveled thought out the community presenting on a wide variety of subjects pertaining to the master slave dynamic. I am currently writing a book on topics concerning the slave. I also host a slaves retreat in TN each year which focuses on the self actualization of the consensual slave. Mrntoring and life couching for those involved in power exchange relationships
Organizations TES
MAST ROCHESTER NY
MAsT national
Education/Credentials Aside from learning from lifes experiences i have a BA in psychology and a masters in socialogy. i have studied gender and human sexuality in an ever changing world.
Awards and Honors Southeast slave 2006
International slave 2006
Question My wife has recently revealed to me that she wants to explore bdsm with someone else. She has been asking another man questions regarding this lifestyle and has become intrigued. We have discussed our separate views on the topic and I need some help. She wants to submit to another man. I don't like the idea and think I could never deal with it. She sees us as equals and feels this is just something she needs to explore. She says it's a therapeutic idea for her and that she doesn't want me to be part of it at this time. I can't imagine my wife being sub to some other guy. What in the world should I do?
Answer Dear Earl
Thank you for your question.
I would like to begin by saying that the root of what we do in BDSM or Dominance and submission is based on consensuality; that above all else is what is important. This is not just between the people that are involved in the activity of SM or D/s but if that person has a partner, it is my belief that the partner should also give consent. Knowing that whether its play (sm) or the dominant/ submissive dynamic it has the potential to become very intense and intimate. The primary partner has to be able to deal with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. The relationship you have with your wife must me secure and strong.
What i am gathering from your post is that you are not ok with this; therefore are not giving your consent. i also believe that sometimes we can't have our cake and eat it too and sometimes choices have to be made. "i don't like the idea and could never deal with it" If this is something she NEEDS to explore and you are not comfortable with it.. perhaps you have answered your own question.
I can tell you that people do explore BDSM sperate from their "vanilla partners" but only through open and honest communication with all involved. The primary partner usually sets boundaries that help the primary person feel safe. But nothing really guarantees that those lines wont be crossed either emotionally or physically.... It does work but in my opinion, rarely.
So what should you do? Well i would invite you to talk with your wife and HONESTLY share with her your feelings about what she desires.. If you honestly can not deal with her being intimate.. (trust me D/s is intimate and is SM) with another man then you should say so. If she insists or goes behind your back, well that is yet another issue to address. Some times choices have to be made and we have to be strong enough to make them.
