AboutMistress Violette Expertise I can answer questions related to the practice of BDSM, especially involving relationship issues and personal interactions. My expertise is in helping people sort out thoughts and feelings, define problems and find solutions. I'm happy to apply my BDSM knowledge and experience to this. I'm not the best person for questions dealing with mechanical contraptions, the physics of BDSM or Gor related matters.
Experience Seventeen years of real time, face to face practice of BDSM in my own personal relationships, 4 years of professional experience in distance training.
Education/Credentials My traditional education includes both a bachelor's and master's degree. I have no formal education in BDSM. I know what I know from interacting with experienced players, reading, and hands on experience.
Question my Master has 4 girls. im 2nd in the line up tho im newest.. and the youngest. i get along with 3 and 4 just fine. but #1 drives me crazy. she sits and does nothing. no dishes, no cooking, no cleaning. she shares His bed at night. shes the only one that does. she throws a fit when He wants to do a scene with another girl. and flew off the handle when she found out im pregnant. my question is: how does one deal with the diva attitude yet not let jealousy or anger take over. my emotions are about to blow up and being pregnant i cant seem to control them nor can i seem to speak my mind
Answer Hello, His_kitten,
This is a difficult situation. Most of us have experienced at least its vanilla forms and it's frustrating. My sense is that 1's issues are actually with your dominant and the poly household, not you or 2 and 3. Still, the 3 of you are getting the fallout. It might help if you keep reminding yourself that it's fallout, not something about the person you are.
Also, remember that the pregnancy is having an effect on your emotions. Things that didn't bother you in the past may bother you now, while things that used to be just irksome may now seem almost unbearable. When something really gets to you, try backing away from the situation and doing something to calm yourself. If you're not able to go for a walk, maybe you can do something in another room or just take a few private minutes to breath deeply and regain control of your emotions.
I don't know how approachable 1 is. If she's amenable to talking, you might actually approach her for advice, not about how to handle her behavior but for how to deal with the problems of being pregnant or how to deal with some other issue unrelated to her. This might help her see you as an ally rather than as a threat.
Another person to consult is your doctor. If s/he isn't kink friendly, you don't have to be specific about the situation. You can ask for ideas about controlling your emotions without being too detailed about what's causing the problem. It could be that something as simple as a diet change could help. If so, your doctor should know.
The bottom line, though, is that your dominant has some responsibility in this. Even though he invited you into a poly household and you accepted, things change over time. He's in charge of an uncomfortable situation. If you've tried everything it's within your power to do, you could consider talking with him about your emotional discomfort. He should be interested in your welfare but he could be unaware how much 1's behavior is effecting you.
I believe there are experts here who have experience with poly households. You also may want to ask a question of one of them, in case there are some dynamics particular to this situation you need to consider.
No matter what you decide, navigating a situation like this could be tricky. Take some time to consider the ramifications of what you decide to do, think about possible outcomes and act thoughtfully, not in haste or desperation. It's likely there's a satisfactory outcome possible but it never hurts to have a backup plan. Good luck to you.
