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About awhitecloud
Expertise
Life questions in the area of D/s and real life relationships. I have been active in the Lifestyle for over 18 years and live it real time. Active in local munches for the last 15 years. Have practical life experiences that have brought me to a greater understanding of my self and the lifestyle.

Experience
I have been active in the community for over 18 years. I have been helping people for the last 10 years on a number of boards. And I write articles for different on line as well other D/s publications.

Organizations
Spokane Power Exchange. Salem OR area...Wet Spot

Publications
D/s World .... Fbot..."The Subbie Journal"

Education/Credentials
I have finished my Master's degree and have spent a great deal of time in the fields of physiology. And I did a D/s study for my Master's thesis, and I was surprised with the out come. D/s views may not be defined but most all relationships have some aspect of them. Have a D/s book "The subbie Journal? in it's third printing.

Awards and Honors
I have several for best article of the month

You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > BDSM > BDSM > Unsure about a lot

BDSM - Unsure about a lot

Expert: awhitecloud - 11/1/2009

Question
Hi, this really isn't about BDSM but about ABDL. I'm sorry to ask it here but you seem to be the only one who has answered any questions about the subject.. I have been thinking about abdl a lot, I like the idea very much but am extremely unsure about how I will feel if when acting out the role.. I met a guy online who lives nearby who is a "Daddy" and we've set up a date and everything.. I want to go out with him..but at first it seemed exciting and like an adventure..but quickly came the guilt and the thought that it is something very very sick. I think I know why I am interested in this, but it makes me sick. I was abused sexually as a child many times and I'm just very afraid that it makes me a monster like my abuser. Thinking about being a little girl for a guy I only have talked to online scares me. I am 18 years old, my life has been a colossal mess. abdl would be..is something sexual for me, and that's absolutely terrifying! I've never ever had a relationship, I've never been on a date or went out with a guy or even been asked out. This guy that I'm talking to has "babied" other girls, and that's all fine, I don't care. I'm scared that I'm going to feel sick in the middle of it, that I'm going to feel dirty and bad and remember a lot of my abuse and I'm worried that in the middle some of the things that I cannot remember might come up, I'm scared that I'm going to associate it with abuse and never be able to have a normal sexual life..not that this would be anyways. It's a big mess and I have no one to talk to about it. I don't want to tell the guy that I was abused and ruin abdl for him because that wouldn't be right, this is my problem and I have no business making him feel bad about it. But I am scared that it will become nauseating for me while we're role playing and all that. Sometimes when I imagine playing the little girl role and being babied it feels good, it's nice..but then it changes fast and I feel sick and dirty and disgusting. I feel like a monster and I need to stop and change my thoughts to something unrelated to sex or abdl and all of it. I plan to go out with this guy and try this, but I don't want to come back home feeling like I did something evil and wrong. I might just tell him I don't want to go out, that I don't want to try it..but I do, and I think I might try it one day because I do want to try it at least. I just don't want to regret it later on and thing I am sick because I did all that. Can you help me sort things out please?

Answer
well I would go out with him and then deal with the issues directly. Giving it a try might be the only answer. Write out the fears and be open and honest with him as well about them. Yes it is not his problem, but it is if your going to play or do anything with him. That is a big part of being safe. And this is part of the reason you build trust with people before you play with them as well.

You are going to have to open up with him....or just keep working at the relationship until your ready for the next step on your path to understanding your inner hearts desires.

good luck of you want to chat more give me a yell.

awhitecloud

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