Expert: Eirene Nayar - 11/7/2009

Question
so I've been exploring the bdsm scene for a few years now, started out with biting and spanking, but I eventually had two relationships becoming M/s. I am a male domme and I have recently gotten a new girlfriend who is not into the bdsm scene. She's a wonderful person, and our relationship is wonderful, but I get bored with sex and find myself thinking about bdsm all the time. What should I do? I know she's not into the scene, we've talked about it some.

Answer
Hello Chris,

I suggest first of all you need to decide how important the BDSM lifestyle is to you.  Is it just bedroom play or is it something 24/7 you are looking for?

Then you need to have a heart to heart talk with your girlfriend.  If what you are looking for is bedroom play only it is possible she might be willing to try out some different things to please you.  

If, though, you want a 24/7 life of BDSM things become a bit more difficult.  This lifestyle is not something you force on anyone or coerce out of anyone.  They either have an affinity or at least a curiosity about it or they have absolutely no interest.  From your brief question it seems like she has no interest.   Then there is another decision to be made.  Do you care enough for her to continue the vanilla relationship with her?  Would she have a problem with you having a BDSM relationship with submissives, outside your relationship with her?  Because you are correct in thinking that a true dominant is not going to get their needs met by a purely vanilla relationship.  

These are sometimes not easy decisions to make especially when other people we care about are involved.  But, it will be better for both of you if these decisions are made now rather than later when you or her are even more emotionally attached.

I do hope my answer has given you some answers and things to think about.