Expert: ziggy ziegler - 11/30/2009

Question
me and my wife are learning the dynamics of a dom/ sub relationship..we live in a small town very small ..i was wondering if there was a person that we could contact online to mentor us well me more so she is a sub and likes being so...i am learning on how to be a dom ..i have asked this befor and i have looked in my town %26 surounding areas and i have had no luck finding a mentor can u help do u know of some one on line that would b a good mentor

Answer
Greetings Sean

Thank you so very much for the question. First allow me to say that i think it is wonderful that you are looking for guidance. Of course you will be your own dominant based on you natural personality but its also of great benefit to finding someone who can get you off on the right foot so to speak. However, it has been my experience that mentors are hard to come by. They are out there but rarely do the good ones advertise. They are usually found by attending groups and getting to know people. Finding a mentor is definitely a difficult process but wonderful when it happens. I am wondering if you have tried googling " your area" for example. "BDSM Asheville NC" that should bring up a list of groups in that area. Contact the list or group owner and share with them that you are new and would like to attend some of their social and educational gatherings but not sure what the process is in doing so." i think you will find that most groups are very open and understanding; we were all new once .. smiles.

There are also some sites out there but only one i could currently recommend and that is www.fetlife.com the nice thing is that its free and there are tons of discussions going on an a wide variety topics to include mentorship. In anything please remember that the type of dominant you become should, in my opinion, not stray to far from who you are naturally. That whatever you read or hear must be based in some for of reality and that all ideas should be tested for their fit.. smiles but then again , you already know that... smiles....

Another way to find mentors is to attend the many conferences throughout the US and Canada... yes as strange as it might we do have them and they are usually in the region you live in.. for example i live in NY so there is a regional conference call the Master slave conference in DC,,, it like others such as Southeast leatherfest in Atlanta Ga... and south plains leather fest in Dallas Texas...Southwest leather fest in Phx Az and the list goes on so you could google "BDSM Regional events....

Oh one last thing about mentoring. Might i recommend not looking just at other dominants for mentorship. i believe there is alot one can learn from other submissives. Those at the receiving end of the orders and rules set by the dominant..  Its nice to know the other side of things as well.

I hope i have offered some insight as to your question... if you have any follow up question please feel free to ask...

warmest regards
slave ziggy