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Expert: - 12/28/2009


Question
I met a younger man who is open about BDSM.  He feels strongly about my "latent desire" to be a sub.  I do enjoy the submission to a point, but I feel I'm more into rough play in general and don't want to get involved if I'm only the sub and never get to play a bit on my own.  I feel very strongly about this.  I realize that a sub just can't be the dom whenever s/he wants.  I am at the point in my life where I truly need to become less submissive in order to reach my full potential, and I see this as a good thing.  I like the guy, but I hate to enter into something that will ultimately disappoint, and I think he thinks I just need convincing.  Thanks.  Is it uncommon for someone to be only SOMETIMES submissive?

Answer
Hi, Joan,

I guess this is the only way to reply to your comment (and thanks for the high ratings).

I live in a 24/7 Master/slave structure.  I prefer a "protocol-heavy" relationship because the protocols make that relationship clearly different from a regular "vanilla" relationship.  I write about this world and about protocols.  If you're interested, do an Amazon search on my name: Robert J. Rubel.  The protocol book might interest you.  The initial book in the 4-book series (that my publisher calls "Life with Bob and Mindi) is called Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice.  In there, I give a good deal of information about what a submissive/slave should be considering when considering taking on a Dom/Master and vice versa.

I'm also owned; my Owner (Karen Martin -- also an author) taught special ed as a speech therapist (credentialed) for 30 years then took early retirement.  I started out as a secondary school English teacher but got sidetracked into the special field of crime prevention in public schools.  Etc.  My slave is an RN/paralegal.  In my experience, people who take the path of "alternative sexuality" are a little more awake than the average bear.

Again, best wishes,

Bob  

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Robert Rubel

Expertise

Master/slave theory and practice, using protocols to make your world special, communication glitches within the M/s framework, serious problem solving in an M/s relationship, fire play.

Experience

Author of: Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice; Protocol Handbook for the Female slave (The gender-free version is titled: Protocol Handbook for the Leather slave. They are essentially the same.) M/s Relations: Communications 401 - the Advanced Course; M/s Relations: Solutions 402 -- Living in Harmony There are other books, but only these are relevant to this category. ... and a few others. By the way, my slave is on the far left, and my Owner is in the middle. We've been together over six years, and have lived as a Leather Family since June, 2006.

Organizations
MAsT, NLA-I

Publications
See my website: www.RubelPresents.com and go to the "publications" tab.

Education/Credentials
PhD, Urban Education Policy Studies with a minor in criminology, U of Wisconsin, Madison. Have presented over 30 times in 2007 and 2008 at major weekend Leather and BDSM conferences. These are all listed on my website, www.RubelPresents.com along with all my presentation topics.

Awards and Honors
Pantheon of Leather Community Choice - Man, 2008

Past/Present Clients
I am currently mentoring two people, listed on my FetLife profile of Dr_Bob. I particularly enjoy mentoring FemDommes -- they often listen better. I have successfully transformed a select number of people. It's not a question of what I offer, it's a question of what you bring to the table.

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