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BDSM/D/s Lifestyle?

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Expert: Lady Aryana - 2/12/2009


Question
Hi,
I am very interested in the D/s lifestyle. I have done some D/s play and some pain play with former boyfriends and now I am completely won over by the lifestyle. I love everything about it. However there is a slight problem with me pursing this love. I am only 19 years old. I am at an age where it is very easy to be taken advantage of and I want to be as safe possible. I know that this lifestyle needs to be based on trust and communication. I have trouble find trustworthy people my age in this lifestyle but I do not know how to find trustworthy older men and women. Eventually my goal is to find someone to settle down with and live this lifestyle, if nothing changes by that time. I want  to get involved in the BDSM community near me but I have no idea how or even if my age will be welcome. Any advice?

Answer
Nicole,

 I wish I could give you some positive insight but most community's demand you be 21 or over.. Not all but most. Depending on where your at depends on where you can go.

For now I would suggest you look into reading all about D/s or BDSM.. Find books here are a few I suggest.

The Compleat Slave: Creating And Living An Erotic Dominant/submissive Lifestyle  by Jack Rinella and Joseph W. Bean

Screw the roses, send me the thorns

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission

The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame and Gloria Brame

Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners by Christina Abernathy

Flogging: The Basics and Beyond (SMTech Educational) by Joseph W. Bean

I would also suggest you look into the adult sites. here are a few that don't require you be 21 unless your state does.

http://www.collarme.com/

www.bondage.com

As for finding someone your age, this is going to be a bit hard.. If your alright with it, I would suggest you find someone 21 or older who has been active in the community for a while.. This will allow you to learn with someone experienced and already has ties to places where you can go.

If your in a bigger community find out where the local Dungeons are, and contact the ones who runs it and ask them if they have a age requirement and if they say over 21 ask them if they have a night where 18+ are welcome and if not if they know where you can go. Most lifestylers will be more then happy to help you find yourself.

Good luck

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Lady Aryana

Expertise

Fem Dom relationships, Male Dom/fem slave, Master/slave relationships M/f, F/f, Long Distance relationships, Leather community, Old Guard, Victorn Lifestyle, BDSM play, Community support, Full time slavery and submission *living together, and how to adjust, protocols, and so forth. Email groups for help with finding others in your area. HOH or DD relationships. I was collared to my Master, then we married Sept 25 2003. I am no longer in a relationship with him, although as D/s has always been a part of me I am still active in looking for a relationship either DD or D/s, or simply learning more in order to help others.

Experience

I have been in long distance relationship that were D/s relationships. I have owned both male and female slaves/submissive, I have been both a real time slave, submissive, and submissive wife. I am not in a committed relationship at the moment although I am in a DD based relationship which has a very strong sense of D/s although it is NON sexual. I am not collared, and I still am always on the look for others to play with around me, and at the moment I have to male slaves who would like to submit. Simply haven't had the time or place to do that yet. I know many egroups who can offer support. I have been active in the BDSM community and a DM for play parties. I have been active for the last 22 yrs in BDSM in one way or another

Organizations
I was active in the GA community when I lived there. I belong to the local BDSM community in AL, Belong to PEP, and other BDSM clubs over the yrs.

Publications
Egroups, Blogs, Journals, And some story writings.

Education/Credentials
Have taken work shops for different BDSM events. Attended SELF given demo's, Been a DM for play parties and private and public clubs. Attending gathering of both D/s, Spanking lifestyles. I have been active in HOH and DD relationships. I was active in the leather community while living in GA. I was trained Victorian and Old Guard. I have trained both Master's and Mistress' along with slaves in the yrs I have been in BDSM.

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