Expert: Master Shadow - 2/10/2009

Question
There are many layers to the question I have so here goes.  I'm a 30 year old in my first relationship with a woman.  She has been involved it the kink community for a year now and is in a Boi/Sir relationship.  Which for some reason I'm ok with and somewhat understand.  The issue is she likes going to play parties and has a few playmates that she enjoys spending time with.  I'm having a hard time understanding and adjusting to this lifestyle.  I feel that the multiple playmates doesn't have a place in a new relationship.  Ultimately if feels like cheating to me.  Am I being realistic thinking this relationship can work and am I justified in asking her to stop.

Answer
The question is, did you know this BEFORE getting involved? If so, then it may be up to you to adjust. You have not stated whether or not you've approached Her with your concerns or not. If not, then that would be the first place to start.

Explain your position, and feelings, making sure not to "come at" Her as you explain your feelings. "This made me feel..." is better than "You made me feel...", and also more accurate.

Just because a person has a few bd/sm playmates does NOT mean there is anything more than just that going on. To many, like myself, bdsm and sex are two very different things. I can scene with practically anyone so long as trust is there, but do not have emotional attachments for T/those I scene with.

I see no actual "cheating" going on, especially if you're not collared to Her, nor have any kind of agreements in regards to this. Talk to Her, and let Her know how you feel.

I hope this helps, and wish you best of luck in your Journey.



                                             SINcerely in Leather,
                                             Master Shadow.