Expert: arani_CsA - 3/10/2009

Question
My boyfriend appears to have become a Gorean Master online. I mean no disrespect to your lifestyle- but I have made up a contrived profile so that I can see exactly what it is that he is doing. I have easily fooled him into believing that I am a sub and he has taken me on as a student.

My question is- how can I tell if this is all a big act? My feeling is if I could get him to believe that I am a willing slave either he is entirely gullible or this is simply a persona he has adopted for attention. He appears to be solely interested in me self-satisfying for him as he reads.

Is this normal behavior for a true Gorean Master? Or is my man simply a cheat looking for a cheap thrill?

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

You are right to view those who practice the lifestyle on line with some skepticism.  Unfortunately, there are many who go on line for the purpose of getting a quick (and cheap) thrill.  Often these people decieve others as to their true background and motives, and often people get hurt as a result of this.  If you want to get a real fright, try doing a web search on a man named John Robinson, who is currently sitting on Kansas' death row for using chat rooms to lure women to their deaths.

But there are also a lot of very honest people on line, who either use the computer as an extension of their off-line lives or who are new to the lifestyle and want to explore it more completely in a relatively safe setting.  I was one of the latter group, when I got my first computer.  I was attracted by this thing called Gor, and yet frightened to get out there and chance being labelled as a freak by my friends and family, while exposing myself to very real physical danger as well.  And so, I spent a couple of years in the role-playing chat rooms, learning about what it meant to be a slave and also meeting a lot of different people and learning what characteristics to look for in a prospective Master.

Your boyfriend may indeed be as fraudulent as you suspect him to be.  However, he may also be the victim of some serious misinformation (there's an awful lot of it out there).  He may also just be a newcomer who has gotten in over his head without taking the time to learn what it's all about.  One way to tell is to compare what he does and says on line with what he does and says when the computer is turned off.

Gor is a very real lifestyle, to those who live it.  Even within the BDSM world, we are in the minority, because we practice a whole-life philosophy that serves to complete us rather than merely to provide us with sexual fulfillment.  We base our lives on a series of fantasy novels that were written a number of years ago, by a university professor who used them as a means of expounding on his theories of human sexuality.  But, in the process, they speak a lot about how men interact with other men (in a purely heterosexual context).  And about a lot of other things.

One of the principal tenets of the Gorean philosophy is something called the Natural Order.  In a nutshell, this can be interpreted to say that men are born to be Masters, while women are born to be slaves.  But it goes deeper than that.  What it really means is that we all have innate needs and drives that are part of our genetic make-up, sometimes having to do with our sex and sometimes not.  Some men are created to be warriors (policemen, etc.), others to be scribes (authors, teachers, etc.), others to be healers (doctors, physical therapists, etc.), and so on.  We inherit physical and personality traits from our parents.  While it is possible to go beyond our innate nature, or to go in a different direction, doing so is difficult and usually done only after much struggle.  The same thing goes for women.  Most women have this inner need to nurture others and to be found pleasing.  Fighting against our natures can only cause pain and conflict; accepting and embracing them usually brings peace and fulfillment.  You may have heard of John Grey's whole Mars-Venus theory; this isn't all that different in some ways from what Goreans believe.

Another trait that we Goreans hold dear is honor, and respect.  This goes far beyond just telling the truth.  It also means that we honor the paths that others have walked in their journey, and we respect the lessons that they have learned along the way.  These lessons may be different from the ones that we have learned, but they are just as valid and worthy of respect.

Something else you might want to take into consideration:  Just because men have the inner drive or desire to be a Master, or have a dominant persona, that doesn't mean they are born knowing how to do it.  Men have to learn how to Master a woman, in the same way that women have to learn how to serve a man.  In the same vein, I might have a really strong desire to cook, but unless I read a few cook books or watch my grandmother cook or go to cooking school, I'm not liable to do a good job of it.  The problem is that most men have trouble admitting (to themselves as well as to others) that they need help learning to do something.  You know the old saying:  When in doubt, read the directions?

I'm not sure I can tell you whether your boyfriend is genuine or not.  Or whether he's misinformed or not.  But I can tell you that there are a lot of people out there who read a couple of websites that touch on the surface of Gor, and jump to a lot of false conclusions without bothering to dig any deeper.  The best way to learn about Gor is to read the novels, or at least the first one or two.  You can find them through used booksellers such as Amazon or Ebay -- look for books written by John Norman.  (The first is called "Tarnsman of Gor.")  I'm also going to give you a couple of good sites that talk about what Gor is REALLY all about.  Then, judge for yourself whether your boyfriend is intentionally faking it, or merely still a student himself.  

I will say that there is no such thing as a submissive in Gor.  There are slaves, and slaves only.  Ownership is total and absolute.  By bonding yourself to a true Gorean man, you are giving him the right to beat you, to sell you, to order you to shave your head and run through the streets naked, or to stop taking your insulin.  (Yes, that may sound extreme, but it does occasionally happen.  The point is that you need to be prepared for anything.)    You can't use a safe word if it suddenly isn't fun.  Sometimes I don't find slavery fun at all, but I made a commitment to a man nine years ago, and I stand by my commitments.  Love doesn't really have a lot to do with it, even though I have learned to love my Master quite a lot.  It isn't all about sex, either, although I can tell you that I have a lot better orgasms now than I did as a free woman.  And Masters have this thing about protecting their property -- in my case, it meant my own Master helping me to improve my credit, and remember to take my meds.

Okay, here are those sites I was telling you about:
http://www.geocities.com/Delphius2002/id2.htm
http://www.pantheus.com/TGV.shtml

Here are some sites that talk about other forms of slavery.  The base philosophy may be different, but the end result is pretty much the same:
http://www.rlslavery.com
http://www.bestslavetraining.com/
http://www.bornslaves.com/index.html

Good luck to you.  If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me again.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius