Expert: arani_CsA - 4/10/2009

Question
Hello, me and my girl are facinated by the whole bondage experience. We have done the simple tie up bed kit and the blindfold, but would like to explore some more things.

She is not very in to the pain thing, just getting tied up and me having some fun. Is there a good cheap site or a place to start looking to get some items to step things up a bit?

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I hope I can help you find the answers you are looking for.

First of all, welcome to the wonderful world of BDSM!  It can indeed be a rewarding and fulfilling lifestyle, and has been known to greatly enhance many relationships.  The lifestyle does encompass a wide spectrum of relationship types, ranging from couples who enjoy a little kinky play in the bedroom from time to time, all the way through those who crave an absolute Master/slave relationship (like my husband and I).  There are those who enjoy varying levels of S/m play, some who are more into a service-oriented relationship, and those who are somewhere in between.

It is wise, however, to give thought to safety when you play.  It's quite possible to do someone serious physical harm, when engaging in some activities, and you need to be sure to have some safeguards in place when you play.  (For example, there are certain forms of bondage that are not advisable for diabetics.)  One way to better ensure your girlfriend's safety is to arrange for a safe-word or gesture, by which means she can let you know when play is getting too rough and she would like to stop or slow down.  Another is to be sure, if you are doing bondage, that she has a way to get out of her bonds in case of an emergency.  You also need to learn to read her body's signals, because your wife will most likely find her body flooded with endorphins that may impair her judgement to some extent, and she may literally not be able to tell you when she has had enough.

Now, I don't want to scare you from exploring the many pleasures available to you.  (And there are a lot of play activities that don't necessarily have anything to do with pain.)  But you do need to go into it armed with a little knowledge, and with a sense of healthy caution.  One way to do this is to find a BDSM group that meets in your local area, where you can meet others who share your interests, and watch and learn from them as they play.  You can find a listing of such groups, by state, at http://www.drkdesyres.com

And here are some good websites to help you learn about the lifestyle:
http://www.castlerealm.com
http://www.leathernroses.com
http://www.steel-door.com/Chamber.html

Here are some books to check out:
S/m 101, by Jay Wiseman
Different Loving, by Gloria Brame and others
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns, by Molly Devon and others

As to where to find toys and implements of play, most cities of any size will have stores where you can find such things.  Some chains that have outlets around the country are Priscilla's and Lion's Den.  Many adult video stores will also sell a few toys.  However, try looking around in some unexpected places.  I've actually seen cock rings for sale at Kroger's, next to the condoms.  Wal-Mart, Lowe's, and similar stores are virtual treasure troves for items that can be perverted into uses other than that for which they were designed.  And don't forget the tack shop.  Use your imagination.

Good luck to you, and if you have any further questions, feel free to bring them my way.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius