Expert: Master Shadow - 4/13/2009

Question
Dear Sir, I hope you can help me. I was collared to my Sir for about a year, knew him online for 1.5 years and we were real time the past 3 months before he relocated again. After his relocation, he arranged for me to scene/train with his friend. He told me what to expect and told me to obey. Well, long story short is that the other Dom requested things that were not spoken of, refused to do something my Sir requested, I tried to obey but was getting upset and went into an emotional meltdown that resulted in me physically removing my collar. In my thoughts that was my way of trying to stop what was happening (I will mention that I did not have a safe word). I explained all this to my Sir, but he felt that I uncollared myself and he released me, but kept me under Consideration until we spoke. He called me after a week for my hearing. He said that he found out that there was a misunderstanding with the other Dom on what was allowed. But, I remain uncollared. He has said that I will need to earn my place back... that I will need to show him I am worthy for consideration for a second collar. To show him this, I am being asked to perform several of my hard limits, to show my commitment to him. I am so confused and distraught. I feel like he has no concern or care for me. He says he is no longer angry, but the tone of our chats and calls is still very mechanical. This is on top of the last two weeks he was local, I didn't even see him and hardly heard from him... and I had wondered if he had lost interest then. I find that this situation is undermining my trust in him and the relationship and I don't know what to do. I need to find out more about the protocols on earning a collar back... if that is even what I am doing. Any insight would be much appreciated Sir.

cheryl

Answer
It sounds to me as if your Master isn't really interested, and is using this as a way to get you to leave, or fail, giving Him the excuse to release you altogether. The fact that He remains unresponsive to your needs emotionally, by refusing to understand what had happened tells me a lot. The failure was ultimately His, for failing to explain to the other Dom EXACTLY what was allowed, and what was not. He screwed up, and now wants the reminder of it (you) out and gone.

I assume you have had a long discussion with Him in this regards, as it IS the first step in this, or any problem with a Dominant.
The fact that  He cannot see that the fault was with Him to begin with tells me that either He CAN'T see where He made a mistake, or He can't acknowledge it within Himself. In either case, I would most likely seek another Dom/Master, as it sounds to me as if He's lost interest.

As far as Hard Limits are concerned, they should NEVER be used as a means to get back with a Dominant. They are Hard Limits for a reason! Most Hard Limits are there to protect the sub/slave from severe physical, mental, or psychological damage, or trauma. Your Master should know this. The fact that He's telling you to do these things tells me He does NOT have your best interests in mind.

I believe it is time to seek your One elsewhere.

Wishing you the best of luck in your search, and in the Lifestyle.



                                           SINcerely in Leather,
                                           Master Shadow.