Expert: Master Shadow - 4/14/2009

Question
Hello, I am just coming into this lifestyle as a submissive and I was curius to know how I am to train to become a good sub. and how to find a Dom that I can trust to know what their doing and not hurt me. Oh and one more thing should I be afraid of for wanting this? I mean is it wrong that im not?, because im not and I don't know if thats normal...Any advice or information on it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much for the help.

Answer
Jennifer, first off, I'd do some research online. Try a site like Gloria-Brame.com, or one of the other teaching sites available online. Also, search your Internet for local bdsm groups in your area. Often  these groups have sloshes/munches where newbies can attend, ask questions, and get answers in a safe and productive atmosphere, surrounded by other like minded people.

They are a great way to learn about the Lifestyle in a safe, relaxed atmosphere, where nothing is required or demanded from you except that you ask questions, enjoy yourself, and learn. Realize, the Lifestyle, if not enjoyable, is not being done right. This is supposed to be fun, and exciting!

As far as finding a Dom, go slowly, and do not fall into a thing called "sub frenzy" in which "Any Dom will do!!!". This is a pitfall of many new to the lifestyle. Remember, your going to have to trust this person, possibly with your very life, and wellbeing, so choose carefully! Make sure that the two of you ARE compatible, and do not "settle for" less than what you need. Many settle for, and wind up wishing they had waited, and searched a little longer for someone more compatible, or less abusive.

There is a difference between bdsm and abuse. It is important to learn this, as a few out there are abusive, but hide behind the Lifestyle to keep protected, and as an excuse. The lifestyle is NOT an excuse to abuse. If it isn't consensual, it isn't bdsm!

As for fearing your needs in this matter, I wouldn't. I would be cautious, as I stated earlier, and make sure that you are safe throughout all of this. The slosh/munch group will help a lot with teaching you, and the research you do online will help keep you safe as well.

Best of luck in your Journey!


                                           SINcerely in Leather,
                                           Master Shadow.