Expert: CougarDomme - 4/14/2009

Question
QUESTION: What is the difference. I am in conversations with a female sub on the net. I am interested in learning more and have been doing so the last couple of days. This is something I have always thought about. My question is, she mentioned that she was in a realtionship with a dom before and wore a collar but has never been collared. What is the difference?

ANSWER: The best analogy: You can wear a wedding ring and not be married.

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QUESTION: So how do you make it real? How should I go about collaring her. I am sure she is open to being collard but I dont know how. How is it solidified since you mentioned it being like a marriage. Is it just as easy as saying we are together or what? She wants to have a collar I know for sure. I know the choice is mine. But my goal is to have her be mine sub and no sub to another or will I have other subs. Should I have a contract. I read that on here earlier. My last question is how would i find, techniques, do's and dont's, etc? I am new to this completely and really want to be a dominant partner and learn the art form.

Answer
In the scene, a collar is like a wedding ring and a collaring ceremony is as respected and revered as a wedding--many doms eventually do marry their collared subs.  If you don't know much about this, you need to learn because when you collar a submissive you are responsible for his or her welfare because you now control their life and future and are responsible for guiding them along the path of growth and knowledge--sort of like raising a child only this is a child that will obey you without question, look to you for leadership and guidance and give you total trust.  It's a HUGE responsibility--this lifestyle isn't about kinky sex only.  You need to learn--join a group and ask questions and learn from other dom/mes about proper behavior and of course you will train your submissive/slave.  A contract can be discussed at a later date or never if you are happy without one--there are no hard and fast rules. Some dom/mes are very strict with their subs and some are not just as some subs need a lot of structure and guidance while others thrive on a long leash but come to the nest every night.  It is importaant that you have the same type of needs--a sub that needs a lot of structure, guidance and discipline will never be happy with a dom/me that likes to keep her on a long leash and vice versa.  Some subs need the structure of being told what to wear and being locked into a chastity device during the day and spending evenings chained to the coffee table or kept in a cage at night while others do not. You can learn a lot here: www.sexuality.org and go to bdsm.