Expert: Mistress Violette - 5/2/2009

Question
Hi,

My wife still isn't really interested in dominating me in bed. Her interest is receiving intercourse plain and simple. She really enjoys how big and thick my dick is. However, I told her how much I wanted her to dominate me in bed and she understands because she remarks how hard my dick gets when she does it to me. However, she only does what she feels comfortable with and tries to race to the part when we have intercourse as fast as she can.

She now has no problem slapping me. She recently went as far as talk about taking me to her dungeon to whip me. However, she still says she respects me too much to actually whip or spank me.

I tell her she is my Queen and that she is so beautiful. She says fine, then serve your Queen which means intercourse which is really all she is interested in doing.

How do I get her in the mood to whip or spank me? If I ask her to do it, she ays she keeps telling me she can't do that.  

Answer
Hello, Brison,

Your wife only doing what she feels comfortable doing is exactly right. Your hope is to some day have her feel comfortable with more. But, if your BDSM goes no farther than it already has, please understand that you're a very lucky man to have what you have now.

In looking back over the questions you've asked me and others, I see you've gotten some excellent suggestions and reading recommendations. As I've mentioned before, my sense is you're not looking at these materials or asking your wife to look at them with you. There's a lot about BDSM she doesn't know. You're not saying she's unwilling to learn, so I have to think it's from lack of information. You need to make that information available to her. It's possible she would be more willing to play with you if she had a better understanding of what's involved emotionally and intellectually. It sounds like the two of you are focusing on the foreplay aspect. That's quite exciting but there's more to BDSM than that. Maybe if you wife knew more about BDSM she would be more comfortable and more interested in the things you want to explore.

The other possibility, of course, is that, even after she learns more about BDSM, what she's doing now will still be as far as she wants to go. If so, you'll have to respect that. BDSM is a want, not a need. Even though you'd love to have more of it in your life, it's possible to be happy and fulfilled without it.

At this point, Brison, what I suggest is that you go back over the answers you've received. There are suggestions to follow and sites and books to read. Learn all you can and share that with your wife. If it turns out she isn't able to expand her activities, you can accept what you have knowing you made the best effort you could.

Good luck to you both, Brison.

Mistress Violette