Expert: awhitecloud - 5/29/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi, my husband and I have been discussing his domination of me for awhile (several years) and He feels he is finally ready, and so far he does pretty well 'in scene', but he's having trouble with the everyday part of it.  As far as I'm concerned, he can control me all the way down to what I wear and how I eat each day...as much as our life allows (we have a two year old and are active in our church and family).  

He, however, wants ME to tell him how to do it since he's new (I'm not)...I feel like he's asking me to 'top from the bottom' and I'm very uncomfortable giving him specific examples of what I want done to me.  Are there resources out there with specific ideas like that?  

He has agreed to meet with a Dom I know, too, but I was hoping for stuff he could read.  

He's really trying...but he's a 'nice guy' and it's hard for him to come up with ideas.  he admitted that despite the fact this REALLY turns him on and he enjoys what we've done, when he first thinks of something for me, he balks at it because it's 'not how he was raised'.

ANSWER: Okay I can try to help you some.

There are a couple of good books out there that you both can read.  I also want to let you know that I understand your feelings of topping for the bottom, but sometimes it is not that, you have to see it as you doing what he has ask of you to help me.  You are not topping if you are helping him with a request you are serving. There have been several times in my life that I feel I am doing all the work to keep things going, and yes I may well be.  But if that is what I have been asked to do in order to help the relationship and to as well get out what I need from the Dom, well I am serving him as well helping our relationship.

I also understand the family, two kids church, that is us and we manage, we all use Sir and Ma'am, the children as well to all adults, for there is nothing wrong with some good old fashion manners.  And it allows us to be more on key and no one has a clue other then this is how our family chooses to do things.  The kids feel good when people are saying that is so nice that they talk that way. so it has been more of a boost then not.

Now on to some things you can read, and theses you can order on line or even pick up at a local book store.

There is a book called Topping and one called Bottoming by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy both great books.  There is also one called the Loving Dominate that is just great to have and go back to off and on I even find myself in it at times.   

Talking with other people in the lifestyle helps as well, attend Munches and things together so you both can talk and be with like minded people, it helps to see how others do things as well.

I hope that this has helped some and if I can do anything more please let me know I shall try.

Thank you and have a great time in on your path together.

awhitecloud

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for the suggestion of the Dossie Easton/Janet W. Hardy books...I had heard those suggestions yet when I asked other.  Yet I should have remembered them ;).  

He already has been reading the Loving Dominant...but I guess what he's complaining is that it is mostly focused on 'scene'.  He was hoping for something the explains the 24/7 everyday servitude thing.  He wants to be able to take charge of my day-to-day life (my dream come true!) and that is where he is having the problems.

I've suggested that he start out simple...like remembering to ask me for things instead of getting them for himself, to choose for me (or have me choose for him) in restaurants, stuff like that...really out of scene protocols is the best way to describe it.  

He's GREAT in-scene...he's a sailor so he got the bondage down right away and loves it!

Thank you again for your help!

Answer
your most welcome, and if you e-mail me off list I can send you some links as well that might help you both.  awhitecloud@awhitecloud.org  and please put HELP in the subject line.

And please do go the the part on this site and fill in how you think that I am, I can use all the points that one can get :-)  My Dom like to see them grow as well.

awhitecloud