Expert: arani_CsA - 5/29/2009

Question
Firstly, thank you for your answers to my questions all the way back on Nov 25 & 26, 2007! Again, I want to know more about subspace. I am with the most wonderful Dom (although he's about as much of a novice as I am) who I love and trust and we are even getting married. Anyway, I would like help in understanding how to more effectively (or consistently) move into subspace. I get it sometimes, but not always, and am not sure what is consistent from one experience to the next. At least I THINK I have been "there": I am aware of what is happening, but am unable to speak and feel frozen. I am told my face does not react as much as before, and that i look zoned out. There's a combination of pain, pleasure and submission in getting me there. I become totally focused on my dom too.
I love the feeling! But dont have a good sense of how to determine the pathway of getting there more consistently. Do you have suggestions?
I am so grateful of your advice those 2 years ago. He is not the same bf I was with before even! This one is a keeper and I am glad he wants to have the D/s relationship with me--it seems to bring out our natural personalities.

Answer
Hello...

Thank you for coming to me with your question.  I am happy that my advice was helpful before, and I am truly flattered that you have returned with another question.  I hope I can be of as much help this time.

Subspace is a highly personal thing, and even then one person's experiences can vary widely from one experience to the next.  Speaking for myself, I can go very deep.  I can reach a point where I am only marginally aware of what is going on around me; I can hear voices but may or may not totally understand what they are saying.  At these times, I am totally focused on what is going on within me.  I am aware that I'm feeling pain, or pressure, or whatever sensation it is that my Master wants me to feel.  However, I am also being flooded with pleasure, akin to what I suspect the strongest psychogenic drug would feel like.  Earlier this year, I had some minor surgery, during which I was awake but under the influence of a Valium IV.  To be honest, the doctor could have cut off my hand, and I wouldn't have cared, I was that focused on the pleasurable sensations that were flooding my brain.

From what you described, you have indeed experienced a deep level of subspace.  (One that some subs never reach, even after years of trying.)  We're all different, and how you respond to a given stimulus will be very different from how I respond to the same one.  And you may well respond differently one night than you will the next.  

There are a lot of factors that determine our body's responses to stimulation.  These can range from what is going on in the environment, what kind of day you had at work, what time of the month it is, whether you have a cold or some other greater or lesser physical malady, what you had to eat or drink, and so on.  Your Master will play a large part in how deeply you go on any given occasion.  As you spend time playing together, he will (hopefully) learn how you respond to various implements and styles of play.  For instance, I enjoy "thuddy" toys like heavy floggers but don't much like "stingy" ones like whips.  I also respond to a variety of toys and stimuli -- my Master may use a heavy flogger on me for a while and then switch to tickling me with a feather or stroking my reddened flesh with a soft cloth.  He may use up to a dozen or more different toys on me during a session.

Your Master will need to learn to read your body's responses, since you will probably not be able to tell him how you feel.  I do have a safeword, but I often go so deep that I'm not able to tell whether I need to use it or not.  This is something that will come with experience, and careful observation on his part.  And I cannot stress how important this is, not just for your pleasure, but also for your own safety and protection.  I have heard, more than once, of a Master who assumed that his sub was fine and having a wonderful time, because she didn't safeword out, when she actually was experiencing some fairly serious physical problems.  This is one of the reasons that my own Master tries out new toys on me when I'm "cold."

There is something else that must be considered here, and that is how often you and your Master play.  If you do it every night, or even every other night, you will soon find yourself becoming habituated to the sensations, and they will provide you with much less pleasure.  Just like a drug addict, you'll need more and more to get the same level of response, and before long you'll be finding yourself in grave danger.  It is better to stretch out your play sessions, at least every 4 or 5 days or so.  In fact, the longer you go between sessions, the stronger you will feel when you do play.  So, you and your Master need to find a happy medium between playing often enough to learn how best to get yourselves into subspace and Domspace (yes, there is such a thing), and playing infrequently enough so that you both don't get too used to it.

Speaking of Domspace, your Master needs to learn to pay very close attention to his own feelings as well.  He will undoubtedly have experienced a unique rush of his own, because of the level of control he has over you.  

One thing that might help both of you is keeping something of a record of your play sessions.  I don't mean keeping a detailed account of what you do, for how long, and when.  But if a particular session didn't go well, spend some time the next day in thinking about what might have been going on at the time.  Did you have an argument with your mother, or did you skip breakfast because you were trying to lose weight?  And so on.

Any discussion of subspace should also touch on aftercare.  I hope that your Master is providing you with some kind of attention after a session.  Again, this is going to be highly individual.  Myself, I don't like a lot of aftercare.  I prefer to sit quietly by myself while I come down, thinking about the experience and savoring it.  I will usually, at some point, get the shakes.  And I may shed some tears, although not out of sadness.  While this is going on, my Master will be cleaning and putting away his toys, and will watch me out of the corner of his eye to be sure that I'm okay.  He may encourage me to drink some water.  Other subs, on the other hand, will respond best to being held and nurtured, or tucked into a warm blanket, and treated with comfort and affection.  Others may require still other forms of treatment.  And how you are cared for after one session may well influence how you respond to the next one.

Good luck to you both, and please do come to me again if you have any further questions.

arani_CsA,
devoted property of Clampius_Arelius