About Master Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, in a poly relationship, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
Question Hi, I have been in the lifestyle a year, I have known I am a submissive for 20 years, I am with a Dom 2 months now, who other then being a bit too laid back, was PURRRRRFECT. I have several Dom friends I chat with each day, and I have been having a hard time with subdrop, and needing my Doms attention the first 48 hours after sceneing, more then I usually do, he is very experienced in BDSM play, however just doesnt seem to understand the dynamics a sub goes thru, needing aftercare and attention that 48 hours after play. I had wrote him an email, exprerssing how hard it was for me, I am not the needy type usually but BDSM makes me vulnerable, makes me feel alittle needy, and he took it the wrong way and when I saw him next, he was very different, I guess i was being punished for the email, as he was telling me he didnt appreciate it, while he was beating me, but something seemed very different the entire time we were together,he was as always very calm, but I left him with bruised ribs, from how I was restrained, and with a very sad feeling of it NEVER being the same, since I feel nothing, I am not mad, not sad, I feel nothing. Should I make myself email him and try to get to the bottom of it? Should I except that it was punishment and as a submissive be ok with it, I have never waivered before in knowing I am submissive and knowing what I want, yet now I don't know anything.
Answer It may be that it's time to seek a new Dom. If this Dom/Master is Not fulfilling your needs, especially when in drop, then there's something inherently wrong already, as it shows either a complete lack of understanding on the Dom's part, or the Dom doesn't care to know in the first place.
I think the reason you don't feel anything is that your subconscious is already picking up signs that something isn't right. Aftercare during drop is vitally important in building trust in a Dominant, and without that trust, nothing but superficial play is possible, in my opinion.
Without trust, so much is lost. The ability to do edge play is gone. The ability to relax into the scene disappears, and the relationship lacks life.
You can try talking to Him, which is, of coarse the first step. If that fails, then you have two options, stay, or go. The choice, ultimately, is of coarse, yours in the long run.
