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BDSM - I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me

Expert: Slavywavy - 6/22/2009

Question
"I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me FOR REAL anytime, anyplace, talk to me sternly, spank me, etc. Bt I'll start from the beginning and give deetails. I told my husband about my fetish for being spanked while we were still dating, I gradually worked up the nerve to tell him I wanted him to spank me, and it was something wonderful that began! It felt so good! I loved it so much! He took me over his knee, pulled back my dress, and spanked me with his hand through my tights. I wasn't wearing underwear, and this was before we started having sex, and it added to the thrill that he could see and feel my bum through my innocent little tights. After the long, hard spanking, he pulled my dress back in place covering back over my bum, and it felt so intimate and tender, like he was a Daddy to me. I soon connected what I wanted and eventually told him I wanted him to REALLY be my Daddy. He was fine with it for a while. He'd hold me in his arms, me curled up on his lap while he sat in his recliner, and he'd whisper in my ear, "I love you so much... You're such a good little girl..." When we started having sex (I waited til we married cuz I was a virgin) it hurt my poon but he was gentle although he got off on my pain, which I have to admit is a turn on for me. He would bring the Daddy stuff into sex, which I thought was hot sometimes because I just wanted the attention, but sometimes I just wanted to be Daddy's innocent little girl. I do want him to seriously spank me as in forced discipline. I want him to be forceful, yet still tender and nurturing when I want. I don't know what's going on with me. I want these things so bad. He likes me to wear pigtails and said that when he's trying to cum, he imagines me as a little girl in pigtails. That makes me happy. I'm afraid the Daddy's Little Girl and spanking days may have to be put aside for a while, though. My husband has PTSD related to childhood sexual and physical abuse and incest, and lately bad associations have been coming up for him. As far as the spanking thing, we kind of kept escalating from his hand (he has HUGE, sexy Daddy hands) to his belt, to finally, one time we went really crazy and used a cane sword. Something happened., he kind of went midevil on my ass and got angry, but I was beyond drunk and didn't feel or register any pain, only ecstasy of intense attention from him. He felt horrified because it left a huge, dark bruise and welts all over my butt cheek. I didn't even care, I wasn't mad, I didn't feel harmed, but he told me that now it hurts him to spank me. I don't know what to do. Recently, I cried during sex, sobbing that I love him so much, and I felt like that helped satisfy my need for emotional vulnerability and honesty that I associate with being Daddy's Little Girl. And my husband said I want him to dominate me, and we can do that in other ways. I just feel so wistful... My husband's southern, so he used to say things like "Mind me," and one time when I was being loud and I guess annoying to him in a restaurant, he said that if I were really his kid, he'd drag me into the bathroom and give me a spanking. I told him to do it. He didn't. The thing is, I'd LOVE to be controlled and disciplined and spanked and spoken to sternly like I'm Daddy's Little Girl, FOR REAL, all those things, forced on me. I love my husband so much. I just don't know what to do about what I want, and, considering HIS recent feelings about it, I don't know how to expect my desires to be fulfilled. He still likes me in pigtails and buys me stuffed animals and wants to build me a shelf to put them on, and when I told him I had a dream thast I was a kid and we were together, he responded with "You ARE a kid!" We've always agreed I'm a kid inside, even before all the wild fun stuff. I guess there's hope for age play and kinky things, most of which I have yet to discover (much to my frustration! I wish I could just know all the answers!) And judging to male responses to a girl's Daddy's Little Girl fetish blog (like one guy said he got hard reading it and many guys offered to be her Daddy) I'm getting the sense that there's something to the innocent, vulnerable little girl who can be forced to do what Daddy, or the guy in control, directs. Oh God how badly I want that!!! I don't want to just jump in the lap of some guy who'll play the role I desire. I'm already in love with my husband. I want HIS love and all kinds of his attention. And I KNOW he loves me, and we love each other. Once he said if I were really his daughter, he wouldn't spank me. I know he sees me as the one pure thing in his life; he's told me so. Maybe he's just trying to protect me and set me apart from anything he perceives as harmful or less than I deserve or something. Well, I'm confused yet hopeful. I hope you can help me understand, get some direction, know what to do. Thanks! -Jennifer"

Answer
Darling Jennifer

Thank you for shring your fetish and how things have gone for you and your "Daddy". I am glad to see that you have done these things openly and have been vulnerable and open with your husband. I am also sad to see that there are problems right now and hope that the few things I can share will help.

You guys can go and find a kink aware professional - google "kink aware professional" and then find someone on the list close to where you are. These people are medical professionals such as therapists and doctors who understand the lifestyle and its many issues and who help people in the lifestyle when there are relationship issues. It sounds like talking to someone might help your husband and will help him see that the relationship between the two of you is not at all incest. It will help if the buttons that are pushed are identified and you can both do something to help him through it when it happens. You can also separate the sexual from the discipline aspects of your relationships in order to make it easier for him. A therapist could help you get through that.

You can also reach out to other couples who are doing the same (I see you are already on a forum like that). There are several options here. You can find someone more experienced and can get this person to mentor your husband and help him see that nothing about this is abuse or painful for you and he need never feel like a monster while doing the things you need to have done to you. You can also get that same person to help you reach out in the proper way when your husband does feel negative about this.

The other option is to maintain your relationship with your husband without the spankigs etc and ask him to help you find another person who could administer punishment when his little girl needs it. This should be someone he can trust and who will treat his little girl well and respect her and his ownership of you.

These are just a few of the things you can do, but the most important thing is to continue communicating and making sure that everything between you is consensual and safe. Make sure that you both understand the needs and problems and respect your partner when something comes up for him that might stop play for you. Be there for him. Sometimes it happens that children become the adults for a little while and maybe this might help him more than you think. Follow his lead and if he feels discipline must look different than spanking then you need to honor him like you would your daddy.

It isn't always what we want as submissives. In fact it is always dependant on what the dominant wants and needs for me, therefore I would tell you to support him right now and continue to share your feelings and needs with him without harrassing him to do things he does not want or feel the need to right at this moment. It will be hard sometimes but just think of the good spanking you will get as a reward when he works through all his issues!

In the mean time little girl, enjoy your husband and cherish the love and understanding he has for you. It is a precious thing to have.

Lots of love and hugs

Slavy

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