About DarkDivah Expertise Can answer questions about the BDSM lifestyle in general to help the vanilla mind comprehend the "whys." Can answer questions about living and maintaining both a 24/7 and 24/7 long distance relationship. Can answer questions from the submissive perspective in regards to the general aspect of D/s as well as the intricacies that most people fail to see that reside under the surface. Very knowledgeable in regards to "toys" and "play."
Experience I have lived as a submissive in a greater or lesser capacity for my entire adult life. I have been through good relationships and bad relationships both online and in my offline life. I have hosted two BDSM/ LIFESTYLE message boards (at Delphiforums) in the past ten or so years. I pride myself on seeking the answers. If I don't know or have no idea, I will seek out the advice of others who do know. Am a member of the Kinsey Institute and from time to time participate in their online studies of sex and sexuality.
Education/Credentials Though I am not a doctor, nor do I play one online, I am educated in this area through my many years of experience. You don't go to school to learn D/s...As of yet I haven't come across a BDSM 101 course, but I'm hoping that through your site I can perhaps start one for those who have unanswered questions.
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > BDSM > BDSM > I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me
BDSM - I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me
Expert: DarkDivah - 6/22/2009
Question I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me FOR REAL anytime, anyplace, talk to me sternly, spank me, etc. Bt I'll start from the beginning and give deetails. I told my husband about my fetish for being spanked while we were still dating, I gradually worked up the nerve to tell him I wanted him to spank me, and it was something wonderful that began! It felt so good! I loved it so much! He took me over his knee, pulled back my dress, and spanked me with his hand through my tights. I wasn't wearing underwear, and this was before we started having sex, and it added to the thrill that he could see and feel my bum through my innocent little tights. After the long, hard spanking, he pulled my dress back in place covering back over my bum, and it felt so intimate and tender, like he was a Daddy to me. I soon connected what I wanted and eventually told him I wanted him to REALLY be my Daddy. He was fine with it for a while. He'd hold me in his arms, me curled up on his lap while he sat in his recliner, and he'd whisper in my ear, "I love you so much... You're such a good little girl..." When we started having sex (I waited til we married cuz I was a virgin) it hurt my poon but he was gentle although he got off on my pain, which I have to admit is a turn on for me. He would bring the Daddy stuff into sex, which I thought was hot sometimes because I just wanted the attention, but sometimes I just wanted to be Daddy's innocent little girl. I do want him to seriously spank me as in forced discipline. I want him to be forceful, yet still tender and nurturing when I want. I don't know what's going on with me. I want these things so bad. He likes me to wear pigtails and said that when he's trying to cum, he imagines me as a little girl in pigtails. That makes me happy. I'm afraid the Daddy's Little Girl and spanking days may have to be put aside for a while, though. My husband has PTSD related to childhood sexual and physical abuse and incest, and lately bad associations have been coming up for him. As far as the spanking thing, we kind of kept escalating from his hand (he has HUGE, sexy Daddy hands) to his belt, to finally, one time we went really crazy and used a cane sword. Something happened., he kind of went midevil on my ass and got angry, but I was beyond drunk and didn't feel or register any pain, only ecstasy of intense attention from him. He felt horrified because it left a huge, dark bruise and welts all over my butt cheek. I didn't even care, I wasn't mad, I didn't feel harmed, but he told me that now it hurts him to spank me. I don't know what to do. Recently, I cried during sex, sobbing that I love him so much, and I felt like that helped satisfy my need for emotional vulnerability and honesty that I associate with being Daddy's Little Girl. And my husband said I want him to dominate me, and we can do that in other ways. I just feel so wistful... My husband's southern, so he used to say things like "Mind me," and one time when I was being loud and I guess annoying to him in a restaurant, he said that if I were really his kid, he'd drag me into the bathroom and give me a spanking. I told him to do it. He didn't. The thing is, I'd LOVE to be controlled and disciplined and spanked and spoken to sternly like I'm Daddy's Little Girl, FOR REAL, all those things, forced on me. I love my husband so much. I just don't know what to do about what I want, and, considering HIS recent feelings about it, I don't know how to expect my desires to be fulfilled. He still likes me in pigtails and buys me stuffed animals and wants to build me a shelf to put them on, and when I told him I had a dream thast I was a kid and we were together, he responded with "You ARE a kid!" We've always agreed I'm a kid inside, even before all the wild fun stuff. I guess there's hope for age play and kinky things, most of which I have yet to discover (much to my frustration! I wish I could just know all the answers!) And judging to male responses to a girl's Daddy's Little Girl fetish blog (like one guy said he got hard reading it and many guys offered to be her Daddy) I'm getting the sense that there's something to the innocent, vulnerable little girl who can be forced to do what Daddy, or the guy in control, directs. Oh God how badly I want that!!! I don't want to just jump in the lap of some guy who'll play the role I desire. I'm already in love with my husband. I want HIS love and all kinds of his attention. And I KNOW he loves me, and we love each other. Once he said if I were really his daughter, he wouldn't spank me. I know he sees me as the one pure thing in his life; he's told me so. Maybe he's just trying to protect me and set me apart from anything he perceives as harmful or less than I deserve or something. Well, I'm confused yet hopeful. I hope you can help me understand, get some direction, know what to do. Thanks! -Jennifer
Answer Dearest Jennifer
I STRONGLY suggest that you find a kink aware professional to help your husband deal with the issues from his past. Kink aware professionals are not only well advised in the realm of BDSM and Role Play, but they are able to separate BDSM from abuse. Sadly it is not like this with all health care providers, though it has been my experience that "most" professionals ( if they are truly professional) in the medical field will take you at your word in regards to rougher sex.
PTSD comes in all shapes and sizes and manifests itself in many, many different ways. I myself have PTSD disassociate amnesia (not sex related) over some very traumatic events that have happened in my life. There are however times ( during sex) where there is a massive emotional overload and I do release through tears. Sometimes one act is a gateway to healing from another, but should not be considered a "therapy" but more over a release.
Again I do suggest that your husband see a professional to help him deal with the negative feelings that have been rising in association with your "play."
I suggest you scale back the corporal punishment part of your play for now. There are other ways that he can discipline his little girl. Grounding her, making her stand in the corner; there are a bevy of actions that can be considered punishment in the Daddy/Little Girl roles.
Now onto you;
I understand that you feel you "need" the corporal punishment, but you simply must do what is best for your husband in regards to this. It's time for his little girl to learn some patience and understanding. It is also time for her to put on her big girl panties and step out of the role of "Little Girl" and step into "grown up wife" and have an open and honest adult to adult discussion about what it is each of you wants and needs from the Daddy/ Little Girl aspect of relationship.
For as many kinks as there are out there, there is always someone willing to fill the role, but that won't help your issues with your husband, only compound them, and I NEVER recommend anyone go outside out their primary relationship unless it is something that has been previously agreed upon by both people in the primary relationship.
I can not and WILL NOT condone any activity that is done when either or both parties are "off their ass drunk" that is not safe! Your perceptions are off, your ability to to know what is best for you is quite literally intoxicated and there is a real possibility for true physical (as well as emotional)injury. Under the assumption of SSC ( safe, sane and consensual) partaking in "play" while severely intoxicated is NONE OF THE ABOVE!
It can not be SAFE because you have extremely lowered inhibitions when you are under the influence to an extremely drunken degree.
It can not be SANE because your judgment is impaired. You are DRUNK and your brain can not function in a completely sane manner.
It may SEEM consensual, but again, lowered inhibitions and impaired judgments might make you think you want or are capable of something that you in fact are not capable of handling or truly do not want therefore your ability to consent is flawed by alcohol.
PLEASE think long and hard before engaging in "play" when severely impaired.
You can not force your husband to partake in things that are bringing up negative emotions for him, it is the responsibility of BOTH of you to find a way to work through the negative things that are coming up for him. It is BOTH of you who must find the root and allow it a release in one way or another and again I STRONGLY STRONGLY urge you to seek some professional help before things get out of hand.
