About Master Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, in a poly relationship, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > BDSM > BDSM > I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me
BDSM - I have a Daddy's Little Girl Fetish and I want my husband to FOR REAL discipline spank me
Expert: Master Shadow - 6/22/2009
Question I have a Daddy's Little Girl fetish. To make a long story short, I want my husband to discipline me FOR REAL anytime, anyplace, talk to me sternly, spank me, etc. Bt I'll start from the beginning and give deetails. I told my husband about my fetish for being spanked while we were still dating, I gradually worked up the nerve to tell him I wanted him to spank me, and it was something wonderful that began! It felt so good! I loved it so much! He took me over his knee, pulled back my dress, and spanked me with his hand through my tights. I wasn't wearing underwear, and this was before we started having sex, and it added to the thrill that he could see and feel my bum through my innocent little tights. After the long, hard spanking, he pulled my dress back in place covering back over my bum, and it felt so intimate and tender, like he was a Daddy to me. I soon connected what I wanted and eventually told him I wanted him to REALLY be my Daddy. He was fine with it for a while. He'd hold me in his arms, me curled up on his lap while he sat in his recliner, and he'd whisper in my ear, "I love you so much... You're such a good little girl..." When we started having sex (I waited til we married cuz I was a virgin) it hurt my poon but he was gentle although he got off on my pain, which I have to admit is a turn on for me. He would bring the Daddy stuff into sex, which I thought was hot sometimes because I just wanted the attention, but sometimes I just wanted to be Daddy's innocent little girl. I do want him to seriously spank me as in forced discipline. I want him to be forceful, yet still tender and nurturing when I want. I don't know what's going on with me. I want these things so bad. He likes me to wear pigtails and said that when he's trying to cum, he imagines me as a little girl in pigtails. That makes me happy. I'm afraid the Daddy's Little Girl and spanking days may have to be put aside for a while, though. My husband has PTSD related to childhood sexual and physical abuse and incest, and lately bad associations have been coming up for him. As far as the spanking thing, we kind of kept escalating from his hand (he has HUGE, sexy Daddy hands) to his belt, to finally, one time we went really crazy and used a cane sword. Something happened., he kind of went midevil on my ass and got angry, but I was beyond drunk and didn't feel or register any pain, only ecstasy of intense attention from him. He felt horrified because it left a huge, dark bruise and welts all over my butt cheek. I didn't even care, I wasn't mad, I didn't feel harmed, but he told me that now it hurts him to spank me. I don't know what to do. Recently, I cried during sex, sobbing that I love him so much, and I felt like that helped satisfy my need for emotional vulnerability and honesty that I associate with being Daddy's Little Girl. And my husband said I want him to dominate me, and we can do that in other ways. I just feel so wistful... My husband's southern, so he used to say things like "Mind me," and one time when I was being loud and I guess annoying to him in a restaurant, he said that if I were really his kid, he'd drag me into the bathroom and give me a spanking. I told him to do it. He didn't. The thing is, I'd LOVE to be controlled and disciplined and spanked and spoken to sternly like I'm Daddy's Little Girl, FOR REAL, all those things, forced on me. I love my husband so much. I just don't know what to do about what I want, and, considering HIS recent feelings about it, I don't know how to expect my desires to be fulfilled. He still likes me in pigtails and buys me stuffed animals and wants to build me a shelf to put them on, and when I told him I had a dream thast I was a kid and we were together, he responded with "You ARE a kid!" We've always agreed I'm a kid inside, even before all the wild fun stuff. I guess there's hope for age play and kinky things, most of which I have yet to discover (much to my frustration! I wish I could just know all the answers!) And judging to male responses to a girl's Daddy's Little Girl fetish blog (like one guy said he got hard reading it and many guys offered to be her Daddy) I'm getting the sense that there's something to the innocent, vulnerable little girl who can be forced to do what Daddy, or the guy in control, directs. Oh God how badly I want that!!! I don't want to just jump in the lap of some guy who'll play the role I desire. I'm already in love with my husband. I want HIS love and all kinds of his attention. And I KNOW he loves me, and we love each other. Once he said if I were really his daughter, he wouldn't spank me. I know he sees me as the one pure thing in his life; he's told me so. Maybe he's just trying to protect me and set me apart from anything he perceives as harmful or less than I deserve or something. Well, I'm confused yet hopeful. I hope you can help me understand, get some direction, know what to do. Thanks! -Jennifer
Answer Explain that this is an inner need of yours, and that to ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist would just be killing a part of what makes you "You". Show Him this letter, and the response as well. This is the time to work things out, as this WILL affect the rest of your lives.
First off, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be His little girl. It's a safe, secure, and comfortable feeling, KNOWING that He is there, always, to set boundaries, to set goals, always wanting to improve His little girl, make her better.
He is also there to pull your chain if you stray beyond those boundaries. He will set them for you, and so long as you remain within those guidelines, you will be safe from punishments, and disciplines. On the other hand, when you need paddled, do NOT act out, but rather be adult and ask, like a good little girl should.
For Him, there are other ways, other items that will sting like the dickens, so to speak, but will not leave marks or bruises. Invest about $30.00 on a nice taws, or some type of paddle, or if that isn't available, there are those little plastic paddles that are sold to kids, with the elastic band, and attached rubber ball. I think they're called "FlyBack" paddles. Remove the elastic band and the little ball, and You have a vert stingy little paddle that costs like $2 or $3, and is easily replaceable, or thrown out without a large investment.
Also nice are the light wood 5 gallon paint sticks. They're a decent length, and usually won't bruise, but are effective, especially along that tender part of the underside of the ass, near the inside of the thighs. These toys avoid bruising, and welts go away quickly, without leaving marks.
Allow her to guide You in areas where You question. Remember, there is NO Better person to ask about her than "Her". Between the two of you, I'm sure that both can be made happy.
Many with past issues of abuse have used BD/SM as a tool to get over the hurt, anger, and shame of past traumas, whether physical, emotional, or a mixture of both. Old issues can be worked through with bdsm "scenes' or enactments, a sort of role play to make things not so scary, or threatening.
It also helps with anger issues, allowing a controlled release of pressure, stress, and such with a willing partner who trust the other to stop when either enough is reached, so to speak, or the sub/slave calls a safe word, like "RED"
I truly hope you tow can work through this to a mutual understanding. One of the most exciting things in a relationship is exploring each other, with trust, respect, love and honesty in all things. Honest communications is essential an any relationship. It prevents arguments, and resentments from building.
