Expert: ziggy ziegler - 6/1/2009

Question
I am very new to all of this. In searching the Internet I found a man claiming to be a well respected former Dom from an offspring group local to my area. I also found a sub in the same forum. This man said that he would mentor me and that I should use the sub that I had met through the internet. He would npt agree to meet me in person for a prolonged period of time, in the meanwhile I was to meet with the sub twice a week and report my progress. Being new I was both alarmed at the prospect of following the directions of a man I wouldn't even meet for months, and paranoid that this was some scam perpetrated by a stranger. I have fought and complained but met with the sub and ignored my own disdain for him (we aren't compatible in any way, I cannot see eye to eye with this man. I am told that is my newness and that it is up to me to fix it). I have worked hard to build my self esteem and the whole appeal of being a dominant woman is the empowerment of choosing my own fate sexually. Being "mated" with someone who I repeatedly tell my mentor I don't want to be with is beginning to make me feel angry and used. In trying to verify the identity of this man I have run across a couple who claim to be very influential in a well known BDSM group. They won't meet me either, and everyone I talk to is from the same widely used forum. I know my instincts, but being so new I feel that I might just be green. Plus i now have to worry that by ignoring the instructions of these important people I will be blacklisted before I even discover if this is something that works for me...please help

Answer
Dear Ms Marie;
Please allow me to share my experience with regard to mentoring. I am a mentor and have also been mentored.
If I am approached by an individual, (dominate or submissive) I spend some time talking with them via the Internet (only because its an easy way to start communicating and getting a sense of each other. I will do this for a week and at the end of that week if things are a go well between us we will meet in person. At a local coffee shop for coffee and a bite to eat and some face to face conversations.
The most important thing to remember about mentorship (In or out of the scene) is that its a relationship (not a romantic relationship of course) and as with any relationship you must be compatible. I tell even those dominants I have mentored, trust your instincts, if I don't feel right for you that’s ok. I will do the same. As a mentor I am asking the mentee to trust me. This is important because there might be times when I have to ask them to do something as it pertains to their mentorship. I want them to feel like they can trust me, my knowledge and my abilities. I am NOT A GURU with knowledge that is so grand that those who come for mentor ship should put me on a pedestal. Those mentors who put themselves above you because you are new/young or just starting out are most likely not as knowledgeable as they would have you believe.
I am not sure as to the thinking behind forcing you to dominate someone you met online if you don’t want to or not meeting you until they are ready.
In my mentorship we have a mandatory weekly meeting and our mentorship relationship is goal based. It’s important that both myself and the mentee know that mentorship is a mindful, commitment on both the part of parties.
Mentorships can be difficult and challenging but the mentor should never make the mentee feel less than. He or she should be in a position and mindset of building you up rather than tearing you down or making you angry.
Ms Marie is there a group (real time# within driving distance of your home something other than this group that is an offset of the forum you are talking about? I have been part of this lifestyle since the early 80s # not boasting# and what I have experienced  is,  that when you begin attending real time groups and educational events you will begin to see where the cracks are in this person who is  mentoring you. I would recommend even going to a regional event where they have classes/SM Demos. You will also be able to meet other Mistresses and Masters #doms and dommes# that you can talk with about what you would like to learn. They are also great places to meet submissives face to face as opposed to online. Please hear me when I say, meeting online is ok but it does have its limitations.
I know you are concerned about being blacklisted.  However, people who get to know you in real time will not be so quick to black list you for wanting to learn. It sounds like this person is on a power trip, but not knowing the entire situation I can’t say for sure. One thing that I can say is that it sounds like you don’t click with this person. A mentees first lesson Ma’am, is to trust your instincts as they are rarely wrong. And should those folks snub you for some reason, know there are other places you can go to gain knowledge and understanding of your station as a Female Dominant.
If you would like to talk more please feel free to send me a private message and I will offer you my email address. Or if you have an additional question please feel free to ask. I will be more than happy to share whatever I can.
I would also,  like to encourage you to look at the following sites. Since I don’t know where you live I have included the major events around the country. Also I would like to encourage you to google  “BDSM groups and your location or near what major city is within driving distance.
Lastly, please don’t let this stop you from attaining more knowledge about who you are as a domme. I wish you the best of luck in what you seek.

Warm regards
Slave ziggy
House of Talonstar


And this is just half of what is available as educational opportunities. Smiles.

www.talonstar.net #this is my owners site just so you can see who i am#
www.fetlife.com #i like this site for basic informaton.#

Below are event i have been to in the past two years. #yes i have been to them all lol)
http://www.southwestleather.org
http://www.fetishfairfleamarket.com
http://www.darkodyssey.com
http://www.matesleatherweekend.com
http://www.southplainsleatherfest.com
http://www.the-crucible.com
http://www.sinsationsinleather.com
http://www.kinkfest.org
http://www.stl3.com/events
http://www.frolicon.com
http://www.northwestleathercelebration.com
http://www.beyondleather.net
http://www.tribalfireokc.com
http://www.domconla.com
http://www.desireleatherwomen.com
http://www.seleatherfest.com
http://www.darkodyssey.com
http://www.tes.org
http://www.thunderinthemountains.com
http://www.masterslaveconference.org
http://www.greatlakesleather.org
http://www.kinkykollege.com
http://beyondvanilla.org
http://www.domconatlanta.com
http://www.riograndeleather.org
http://www.wickedwomyn.com
http://www.br.org