About Master Shadow Expertise Can answer your BD/SM Lifestyle questions regarding flogging, caning, paddles, whips, scening, fear play, wax play, sensual knife play, humiliation, fisting, anal, violet wands, clamps, cbt, ice play, books, breathplay including blood chokes, cuffs, collars, furniture, collaring ceremonies, links, gags, toys and other items used in the lifestyle, Will not answer questions regarding medical advice in regards to the Lifestyle. I am a sadist, married to a Domme, who is also a sadist, am the owner of two, in a poly relationship, and enjoy the 24/7 lifestyle.
Experience 31 Years experience in the BD/SM Lifestyle.
Organizations Terre Haute S.I.N. Social Interaction Network (CoFounder).
Publications Alt Magazine, on "Honor and Respect".
Education/Credentials , Member of The Dungeon Monitors Association, as well as The Violet Wand Guild, and life experience.
Question i have been on chemo for 16 weeks. i have 8 left. im not doing the radiation but i am on the meds. the side effects are horrible. i can tell Master is trying to be patient but on the other hand i hear how i used to please him better. i cant do oral as i stay sick at my stomach and anal is out of the question for health reasons also. i dont know what to do. i want to please him so much and i try but when it comes down to it i cant. Now we fantasize about the way we used to be. It seems he is losing interest somewhat and that scares me. W/we have been together 5 years, married for 2 and are raising his 3 daughters. Its so hard on us all right now. He is so stressed because he is working harder to make up for my not being able to work. The bills are piling up and his job is being so demanding. I dont know what to do. I feel very far from sexy but seeing how Ive dropped 30 pounds Im looking GOOD! lol.. but lying in bed all the time im sure is on his nerves because it sure is MINE! I feel like im going insane.
Answer This is hard to answer. I would NEVER suggest smoking pot for the effects of stopping nausea, and increasing appetite, which keeps the chemo patient stronger, and gives a better chance to fight. Stress is what you do NOT need right now. Walks in the parks, seeing nature, sunshine, and beauty is what you should be getting. Spending quality time with your family, and things of that nature will help with your emotional state, which, once again, gives you a better chance of fighting this.
He must love you a lot, from what I am reading. Realize, with men, stress reduces, not increases the urge for sex. If a man is too stressed out from things, he will fail in this area. The idea with Him is to make him feel more relaxed, calmer, and more at peace. This will give his body a chance to recover, so that it is physically ABLE to perform.
A man needs a certain rise in tension levels to have sex. When stress and tension is too high to begin with, there is no more "Up" to go. He's reached the peak of His tension levels with everyday stress, and can't get the extra energy needed to "rise to the occasion". Also, being exhausted can affect His urges, so keep this in mind.
I would try to set up a time when He's not working, like weekends, or whatever, and find someone to watch the kids, as a favor, or trade time for time, if necessary. Set up at least one entire day where the phones are off, the kids away, company has been informed that you will NOT be answering the door or phone, and take that day for yourselves. This is the time to talk, on both sides, honestly, and without reservation.
Open, and HONEST communications is necessary right now especially, even if what one has to say will hurt the other's feelings. Do not "come at" each other during this time, but rather talk things through, even the hard stuff, the emotions, and feelings.
This is the time to come clean, and let each other know exactly what's going on. Keep nothing back, as that is dishonesty as well, lies of omission.
I know this is hard, but this is also the stuff serious couples, whether Lifestyler, or nilla go through, and get through. Communications is vital now! Feelings, whether or not the feeling has validity in the world, are still feelings. They need no logical answer to be, or exist. They just are, and until feelings are addressed, there can be no solution. Sure, some of what you will say will hurt each other, either directly (I thought you didn't care...), or indirectly (Cries, because they never knew you thought things were that way, when they weren't!). Hurts happen. We're human beings, with emotions. Anger is usually the result of a hurt, whether real (Insults, etc) or imagined (I thought you were talking about me behind my back). It's how W/we TALK THROUGH THEM that makes the difference.
My best wishes for you, and your Master in this, and the fight as well. May you and He be blessed with healing, and understanding.
